User:Emuetzel1/sandbox

'''Need to go through and make sure there are rules for the copyedits below and not just "readability" purposes. Should not change wording for no real reason'''

Grocery Store

 * More sections added with Latin America Completed March 2
 * Prices section info needs to be moved to relative article
 * Clean introduction paragraphs

Lead Belly

 * Clean Legacy section/insert relative information
 * Move cover artist songs to new article


 * Create new section for criminal record
 * Watch for opinionated language

Structural Editing/Major Edit Possibilities

 * Cut down on larger sections of the article, consider smaller subsections
 * Compare this article to other articles within the same wiki project, see how the setup changes from article to article
 * Possibly remove Companies Section as it only pertains to Latin America
 * Prices subsection also needs help either connecting with article or needs to be removed

Introduction Section

 * "Grocery stores often offer non-perishable food that is packaged in bottles, boxes, and cans..." change to plural: "Grocery stores often offer non-perishable foods that are packaged in bottles, boxes, and cans..." Completed Feb 26
 * Why does the above quote have often? Do some grocery store definitions only include fresh produce? Completed Feb 26


 * I think the first paragraph is just multiple definitions of different types of "grocery stores" - there must be a better way to have an inclusive definition in the beginning and possibly introduce sub definitions later on?
 * Citations definitely need work - what's the difference between a note and a regular citation?
 * Does groceries = a plural term for grocery stores?
 * The citation needed quote seems to be an opinion - cant find a source at first glance
 * Makes sense as an opinion where there seems to be little need for additional smaller stores.

Early History Section

 * Where did the term purveyor come from? No citation needed? Find wiki hyperlink to that article
 * "These items were bought in bulk, hence the term grocer from the French 'glossier'..." change to: "Because these items were often bought in bulk and therefore were named after the French word for wholesaler, or 'glossier'. This, in turn, is derived from..." Completed Feb 26
 * "hence" seems like its used a little too frequently - think about rewording those sentences or finding synonyms
 * Citation needed for why groceries are called groceries should be easy to find - remember to come back to this and try to do a bit of word origin researching.
 * "In some countries such as the United States" - what other countries does this apply to? Is it only the US? What about the UK?
 * Maybe look up correct form for i.e. or e.g. - do you need a comma afterward? Completed Feb 26

Modernization Section

 * "The customer of a grocer" almost seems repetitive since we are not talking about customers of any other service Completed Feb 26
 * "ask for items they wanted to purchase. They could also" instead of using an "or" contraction, might be better to split into two sentences for readability Completed Feb 26
 * Says Saunders' reduced the number of clerks needed - but how many were needed before his invention?
 * "The development...has meant that smaller grocery stores" - need to revise sentence for readability
 * "Grocery stores operate in many different styles ranging from rural..." change to: "rural family-owned operations, such as IGAs, to boutique chains, such as Whole Foods Market and Trader Joe's, to larger supermarket chain stores" Completed Feb 26
 * "food cooperatives or "co-op markets"" change to: "food cooperatives, or "co-op"" Completed Feb 26
 * "very efficient" - find way to remove "very"
 * Why is Metro in '' instead of ""? Completed Feb 26
 * Citation needed for stores steadily weakening trade?

Companies

 * Too specialized - needs more general information. Seems to focus on Latin America rather than as a world-wide phenomenon.
 * Almost think this section should be removed entirely

Types

 * Organization seems a bit odd here - lots of headings
 * "and in many stores" change to: "And, in many stores," Completed March 2
 * Citation needed for convenience stores charging more than supermarkets
 * "In this sense the name is often abbreviated" change to: "In this sense, the name is often abbreviated" Completed March 2
 * "Similar terms include tuck shops..." need to add an and before the last entry of the list Completed March 2
 * Remove comma in first sentence under supermarket before "organized into aisles" Completed March 2
 * Under Electronic, decapitalize Many after "nowadays," Completed March 2
 * Add comma after "In the U.s."

Food Marketing

 * change "fifty-six" to 56 Completed March 2
 * "These businesses include not only chicken and vegetable processors but also" change to: "vegetable processors, but also" Completed March 2
 * Add comma after introductory "typically" Completed March 2
 * Possibly revise that entire sentence because it's pretty choppy with some unnecessary commas Completed March 2


 * Delete comma before "including higher oil prices" Completed March 2
 * Revise sentence beginning "Already this is happening with wheat" Completed March 2
 * May need to revise sentence saying "more expensive food until at least 2018" since we are now in 2018. Should go back and look at the source and see if it has changed.
 * "are expected to climb as much again in 2008"... shouldn't we already know if it climbed or not? There's also no source for this.
 * Delete comma after "hold large surpluses" Completed March 2
 * Revise sentence beginning with " The past five years have seen rapid growth" Completed March 2
 * Again, at end of paragraph we have a "forecast to grow" in 2008 - we should be able to find a source telling us whether it did or did not
 * Add comma after "In 2013" Completed March 2
 * A lot of this section seems to just be talking about economics. Need to either figure out a way to connect that back to Grocery Stores, or why it is important to connect those two, or may need to consider deletion.

Food Waste
" Isn't "in developing and developed countries" redundant? Could just take out the modifiers and have "countries" unless there is a specific subset of countries that this does not apply to
 * Delete comma after "poor or homeless people" Completed March 2
 * Seems like last sentence of last paragraph could be tied to paragraph directly above it.

Structural Editing/Major Edit Possibilities

 * Need to make sure all headings are the same format
 * Make additional section about Lead Belly's criminal record regarding murder, attempted murder, and those who attempted to murder him.
 * Create bulleted list under "Legacy" for artists who have covered his songs

Introduction Section

 * Seems a little nit-picky right at the beginning distinguishing between Lead Belly and LeadBelly. Could just use a sentence to say "known as Lead Belly, or LeadBelly, "
 * Add comma after "In some of his recordings" Completed March 2
 * "Lead Belly's songs covered a wide range," change to: "Lead Belly's songs covered a wide range of topics including" Completed March 2

Biography

 * Nearly the entire first paragraph is dedicated to why his birthdate is 1888 not 1889. Again, seems a bit excessive when a one sentence explanation would do that.
 * Need comma after ", an accordion" Completed March 2
 * The last paragraph of his "early life" is devoted to his song "The Titanic". May be beneficial to add this to a songs section rather than within his biography section.
 * Need comma after "While there" Completed March 2
 * Article seems to blow over the fact that he killed Will Stafford?? Seems like we need at least a little more backstory than just a fight over a woman.
 * Citation needed for southern prisons not having parole at that time - should be able to be found if this is indeed true.
 * Again, we have another instance of Ledbetter attempting to kill someone. Should this not be its own section??
 * Citation needed after Goodnight Irene - I'm not really sure how to prove that the other side of a record held his petition unless someone currently has that record? Would need to ask the person who wrote it where they found that information - I don't think that would be easily available.
 * Did that writer mean that the record itself was the petition? If so, definitely needs rewording and still needs a citation.


 * ANOTHER appearance of Lead Belly's violent tendencies while in prison. This definitely needs to be its own section.
 * Need comma after "For three months" Completed March 2
 * Parenthesis should not be its own sentence like at the end of the first paragraph in the "Life After Prison" section Completed March 2
 * Need comma after "In December" Completed March 2
 * Why is the small one-sentence paragraph about Martha Promise by itself? Can it not be tied in with another paragraph?
 * Capitalize North in that sentence Completed March 2


 * No explanation as to why John Lomax decided he did not want to work with Lead Belly anymore - we're just told that Lead Belly sued him and won.
 * Need citation for quote from life article "he... may well be on the brink of a new and prosperous period."
 * Delete comma after "Southern black culture" Completed March 2
 * "Lead Belly himself was apolitical and if anything was a" change to: "Lead Belly himself was apolitical and, if anything, was a" Completed March 2
 * Again, there's a strange one sentence paragraph about Lead Belly achieving success in Europe - maybe find date and tie into paragraph chronologically?

Technique

 * Citation needed about his guitar. Should be easy to find especially if citation is needed for why a trapeze-style tailpiece helped his playing
 * More citations needed in second paragraph about how Lead Belly played and whom is debating his tuning - seems like whomever wrote this section probably got all of this information from the same place.

Legacy

 * The entire first paragraph needs to be cleaned. Possibly even made into a bulleted list since its just a list of artists.
 * Another one-sentence paragraph describing a movie in 1976 dedicated to him

Discography

 * This is where a subsection of The Titanic might be appropriate

Emuetzel1 (talk) 22:43, 23 February 2018 (UTC)