User:Epickerill/Ivy League/Irj456 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Epickerill


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Epickerill/Ivy_League?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Ivy League

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

These updates to the Ivy League page look great! I really like the way it is broken up into time periods, and you address a wide range of aspects of the Ivy League that racial segregation affects, such as amount of students, faculty, and student groups. I also think it is all rather concise and easy to read.

First Section

I think, in the first paragraph, you guys don't have citations, so maybe you can add that there.

This is just a suggestion, but is there any way you can find some kind of biography or testimony from/about students of color in Ivy Leagues at this time? If possible, I think it could add to the first section.

For the third paragraph in the first section, a small edit would be clarifying what you mean by the sentence: "Although institutions including Harvard and Cornell, other institutions were unwelcoming, including Princeton." I don't think you need to point out a particular school. Another one would be putting together the examples of how the Ivy Leagues were still unwelcoming, and moving the sentence about Cornell being accepting to make it flow better (I think this also needs a citation).

Second Section

Maybe you can add some names of initiatives to seek Black talent that were rolled out. I also think the last paragraph about student groups could definitely be expanded on in a way that would add to the article, in terms of what specific protests/demands/changes these groups organized, or even if there is data on the increase in the number of cultural groups.

Third Section

Looks great! The only thing is, is there more recent data on Black faculty?

This article was really good and informative!