User:Erinsalomon/Dr. Natasha A. Greene/Stark.ni Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Erinsalomon


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Erinsalomon/Dr. Natasha A. Greene
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * N/A

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Lead:


 * For the lead I would consider adding maybe her most significant project or other accomplishment, at the moment it is very vague and doesn't really say too much about Dr. Greene

Career:


 * This section seems much shorter in comparison to the education section, but is arguably more important. I would highly recommend filling in more information here if it is at all available. Doing that would also help supplement your lead section.

General:


 * I would give it another pass over for grammar corrections and whatnot, some of the sentences are a bit choppy
 * For example: "As a result, this propelled her relationship with her 5th grade teacher Dr. Luz Gonzalez and took on the role of class helper and tutor for her peers"
 * There needs to be a subject for the verb "took," right now it is not grammatically clear who is doing the action.
 * Another example: "Greene graduated high school with high honors.Proceeding high school,"
 * There needs to be a space between these two sentences.
 * I would be happy to provide other examples of where I would suggest editing for clarity and grammar, but it would be a longer comment. Let me know if you would like more specific feedback. A lot of the changes seem like things you will probably catch when you give the article another read through.
 * I will say that the tone seems to be neutral and I did not find any issues with the way you conveyed the information
 * Make sure you refer to Dr. Greene the same way throughout the article - sometimes you use Natasha, other times Greene. It is generally better to use the same namesake when referring to her. As for whether it is more standard to refer to the subject by their the first or last name in wikipedia articles, I am not sure; you could try looking at other similar articles for examples of which one writers tend to use.

Media:


 * It is possible you just have not reached this point yet, but adding a picture or two of Dr. Greene would definitely help the look of the article!

Overall :


 * The draft in your sandbox looks good so far, I would really just recommend adding to the career section and giving the draft a close look over to edit a lot of the grammar mistakes and less readable sentences. I am happy to read through it again later after you make changes.