User:Esalawton/sandbox

 Douglas J. Fruschetta III

Douglas J. Fruschetta III is a true American Patriot, part time Philanthropist and full time purveyor of Anheuser Busch products. It is common knowledge he has several aliases, though similar to the Yeti, the Lochness Monster and ancient Makara, none of this has ever been proven as fact. What is known is that he has traversed the world spreading his message of hope. Once in Africa while navigating the Congo River and scaling the legendary K2 (without guides, maps or climbing gear) he was stung by an African Dung Beetle and contracted a severe case of meningitis. He was miraculously brought back to health by an indigenous people of similar good nature. Once able to regain bladder control and full use of his left arm, he taught the indigenous people the songs and fables of his forefathers with a flute he whittled out of rotted bamboo and papyrus. Another time on safari in the Serengeti, he was attacked by a gaggle of laughing hyenas. He was able to defuse the situation by laughing louder than said jackals. The people of the Serengeti are said to have been impressed by the maniacal laughing and offered him their bounty of native wheat and a barley like wine that hit his palate with a touch of cinnamon and juju fruit.

Early Life: Douglas was not a bright kid. What he lacked in 'books' as he called them, he more than made up for with an innate and primal sense of 'street smarts'. It is said it took him several attempts to pass his GED from the State of West Virginia in the year 2009. Some speculated that he cheated or that the administrators took pity on the shy good natured boy and gave him a passing score even though he only got one question correct (and that was are you male or female). Regardless, he was able to overcome the disability of a poor educational system and become a legend in the world of bocce.

Mid Life Some say he married Isis, the Egyptian Goddess of love on the 7th day of May. However, the Egyptians have for many years denied the existence of any marriage certificate or even if Isis, the Goddess of Love was real. Other rumors persisted of a fair haired maiden in the Americas with Bette Davis eyes and who bore him several children. Again, neither of which has ever been verified.

Late Life: It is said the Dos Equis - Most Interesting Man in the World was based on the life and times of Douglas J. Fruschetta III. For a while he was a squire, and also spent time in the court of Pentecostal Monks in an effort to find enlightenment. During this time Douglas took up more sport and became an avid golfer.

Much of what we know about Douglas J. Fruschetta III is hearsay, but there is no denying that he has influenced many people. Tribes in Australia still sing praises of the man who swam out of Botany Bay one dark evening with a coozie in one hand and shark by the tail in the other. Throughout ancient Incan villages of South America, you will find cave paintings of the good natured Douglas J Fruschetta III in his native camouflage. The drawings are so well done that in fact all you see are his eyes. Regardless, there is no denying Douglas J. Fruschetta is a patriot, and has never forgotten his roots in the foothills of ManchVegas, whereby he rose from the embers of a town without pity to become one of the foremost individuals of his time.