User:Etek6/Concrete (perfumery)/Interiorwater Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Etek6


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Etek6/sandbox


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Concrete (perfumery)

Evaluate the drafted changes
Has the content added improved the overall quality of the article?

Yes! I am glad that the article now has photos and a more fleshed-out discussion on what perfumery is. The original article has very few details and you have done a great job adding many more details and examples.

I have a few suggestions for further improvement of the article as follows:

Overall, the changes you have made are very positive! Just make a few minor revisions and the article will be awesome!
 * 1) In the introduction (the very first section of the article), you should briefly introduce/mention the broad topics you will be discussing in the subsequent sections of the article. Currently, you just have two sentences, which is better than the original article, but you have some room to add some more details on the definition and introduce the topics you will be talking about.
 * 2) In the section you have titled "Sources," you should change the name of the heading so readers do not assume they have reached the citation/bibliography part of the paper and stop reading. Maybe title it something like sources of concretes? Also in this section, you list the flowers that concretes are made out of, but then you say "other plant materials" and then list more flowers? See if you can clarify this, it was confusing.
 * 3) In the "production" section, you mention that after evaporation it is a wax, with waxy properties. This seems a bit redundant, see if you can explain it in a different way. Also, maybe add some details as to what happens prior to extracted the plant material (is it washed, dried, etc.?).
 * 4) In the "uses" section, I think you should change the heading to "applications" or similar, uses is very broad. I am also confused because the article talks at first about how concretes are important for perfumery (and don't mention any other reasons we have them), but then in this section you say that they have limited use. Which is it? Try to clarify this so we understand what concretes are really used for.
 * 5) In the "Issues" section, you should re-title this as "health hazards" or something like that since the only issues are related to health issues. I think you can re-work this section further to improve the clarity of the writing. For example, what do you mean when you say "methods like gas chromatography"? Does that mean gas chromatography was used, or that only a method similar was used? Watching for small details like this will help improve the overall clarity. Also, since you mention there are laws about pesticides, you should put the actual concentration that is considered in the "safe limit."