User:Ethanxxxpollard

The legend of Ethan Pollard began in the early 1990s. It was a stormy day in the midst of the city of Detroit, a ballin' town near the thumb of michigan. It was in the hospital of St.John where he was given to the world. It was a normal birth except Chuck Norris delivered him and John Claude Van Dame taught him how to pick up women shortly after. Ethan attended grade school at the age of three and by the agre of five he had already gained eighteen PHD's in the fields of Science, Math, Art, The Culinary Arts, and Martial Arts. Chuck Norris played a vital role in the upbringing of young Ethan and it was Norris who first taught Ethan that the world was in fact and idea the Chuck thought up one day while taping an episode of Walker Texas Ranger. You may not know this but Ethan in fact invented most of the things you love so much today. Such as: moden myths, television, abortion(with the help of Chuck Norris), and many more. Now at this point young Ethan is at the humble age of six, and he has just found the cure to cancer under Norris's pillow but agreed to never tell the wold about it. The cure was just a vial of his tears, and yes he does cry, but only after he watches The Notebook. It is at this time that young Ethan is brought into the African Safari where he was pit against nature to determine his worth. It was the middle of winter and the moon was high, he was alone with just a spear and a wolf on his tale. It wasn't fear that gripped him, but instead an intense calm. He slayed the wolf and returned as the king of Sparta where he would eventually fight off the Persians and win the War of the Worlds. You may be thinking i thought other people did these things, but in reality it was Ethan. Anyways Ethan is now seventeen and no longer young. He has traded his crown for a bag of pop rocks and a magic Genie. It is this Genie who would, unknowingly bring about Ethan's eventual transformation into a superhero like the world has never known, but that...is another tale.