User:Ez2055/Charles Thomas/Sandyseac Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(provide username)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
There is a lot of information which is great! Your sources look reliable as well.

Some suggestions:


 * Remove his birth and spouse information from the opening line and put it in another section
 * Is there a way to shorten each paragraph/add more interest? Some paragraphs are very long - maybe add bullet points or subheadings where applicable.
 * Add a more "wiki tone". For ex. change "During his time at the University of Oregon Charles Thomas not only was a professor but made it a goal to help end discrimination and help obtain equality." to "During his professorship at the University of Oregon, Thomas made it a goal to help end discrimination on campus."
 * Ex. change "On September 29, 1990, Charles W. Thomas would end up dying due to someone stabbing him multiple times" to "On September 29, 1990 Thomas was stabbed multiple times by an unknown assailant and died."
 * Always refer to Thomas using his last name
 * Link anything notable(ex. universities, famous places, people, organizations etc) to other wikipedia articles using the Link button
 * Make sure everything is in the correct tense. Ex. change "Thomas wants people to be able to achieve their goals" to "Thomas wanted..."