User:F.r.o.g.

A few thoughts that are exiting my mind. Why is it that you God, can tell me something several times and I just don't get the whole picture no matter how hard I try. It still feels like there is something that I'm just not getting. You search and finally pray and from an unexpected place comes the answer. NOW how do you put it to work? How do I gain the patience to wait, and see it through? The law of attraction has been working in my life and I keep attracting CRAP. I see now why I put my family through relationships with guys that are NOT what I really want out of life. I am so focused on what I don't want that I attract it and when it comes my way I am to blind to see it for what it is. It is amazing how the ones we love the most suffer the most because of our mistakes. (if I could I would erase it all(how hind sight is 20/20)) This is numero 3 yah what a LOOSER. I finally got the drift and get why this is happening but now the kids suffer again because MOM to say the least had her head inserted so far up her rectum that she was breathing fresh air. I have gotten mixed up with bigger mistakes every relationship I get into. This last one was very scary. My oldest daughter and I had a saw sail through the air at us. Thank God he directed it between us and neither of us had to deal with the contact of it. Holes in walls and broken dishes. The loss of a pet for fear the next boot might cause physical harm. Why did I not RUN when I found out he was not honest that he was on drugs that that that. Why did I not run like the wind when I found out I was pregnant from a man who SUPPOSEDLY had a vasectomy? Like where was my brain? Did it take a leave of absence and forget to inform me? Did I want a relationship to work so bad that I was willing to sacrafice all with out seeing it for what it was. A DEAD END That is not all, it gets better. I took out a loan to pay off all of his debt. Yah can you say LOOSER? Like this guy could put all of his posessions in a duffly bag and have room to spare. Did I see this NOOO. I was a single mom of 3 ownig one house( on my own) renting to own another and  I attract a looser. yah I know I am the looser. I just wanted to see and I think I did see the good that is in that man if only he would find God and let it out. He can and could and I pray will move mountains one day. I just want him to be fair to me and the kids NOW. I moved with him and gave up a good job to follow him to a little hole in the world. Now it is I and 4 little people and a community without a good job for a single mom who wants so badly to be with her little ones and to not have to leave the baby with a stranger. To be able to help out at the school and to go to concerts or help out with the hot dog sale. Lord I am praying and I know you will answer. But when and please let me know your answer. I am not asking for the answer I want just make me aware of what your answer is and help me to accept it and live with it. I can't let the little one go on over night visits. He has never heard her before why would he now. He says he is not responsible for anything the first 3 minutes he wakes up. He never paid attention to her when we were in the same house. Why does he want to be around every day now. Why is he out of bed or off the couch now? Heck he even cleans his appartment and cooks. From someone who could not put a dish in the dish washer or let clean laundry see a dresser before there next encountre with the sock eater. God I feel tension and I need a release. I am SO thankful for these kids. I told them the other day. I know you hear all and see all but let me tell you any way. I told them they were my greatest blessing. The oldest one said WHAT we cost you so much and annoy you with our fighting. I could not help but smile and say "the greatest blessings are not always FREE" I meant it. I need you to keep me remembering this and to trust you and to give you time. I am likely the most impatient person on this earth. Anyway little one is calling till next time.