User:F1287/Avian malaria/EEEpidemiologist Peer Review

General info
F1287
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:F1287/Avian malaria
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Avian malaria

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hi F1287! Here's my Peer Review for the article Avian Malaria

Lead


 * I would transfer your information about Dr. Ross to a Content section of the article and elaborate on why he is important to Avian Malaria. Like discuss what he contributed to the scientific community regarding this disease.
 * I would also concentrate the information about the different parasites and hosts to make it more readable and leave the distinct details for the body of the article.

Content


 * The content added is relevant if you provide more information on why Dr. Ross was important to Avian Malaria
 * In the section Cause I would change the wording of "these are of less importance" since it has a dismissive tone instead of neutral and could be misleading to readers.
 * The information about captive penguins is helpful for a reader in developing the understanding of avian malaria, but it may be better in a different section besides Cause.
 * In Cause a citation is needed for the information that Avian Malaria is not usually fatal, except in populations with little to no pre-exposure.
 * The section Parasite Species looks great! The information provided is broad, readable, and has a neutral tone. If anything, I would re-word the last statement to present the information on allelic variation detection with a more neutral tone, "essential" feels argumentative.
 * In Vector some citations are needed and the language should be less implicit and more factual. The statement that something may occur shouldn't be in the article as it is speculative.

Tone


 * As mentioned in my content notes, there are some areas that the wording has either implicit, speculative, or biased language.

Sources


 * Please provide sources for the information regarding Dr Ronald Ross
 * There are some areas in the article that could use citations if you wanted to find more sources. I noticed you had some sources in your bibliography that weren't in your sandbox, so I assume you're contributing to some already.

Organization


 * I think the article is organized into relevant sections however I would consider adding a section or moving information around regarding the impact Avian malaria has had on notable populations such as the captive penguins or the birds of Hawai'i.

Overall Impressions


 * There's a lot of valuable information within the article, but the tone needs to be improved. Furthermore, there's an imbalance with too much information and details provided about some subtopics and not enough provided in others that are relevant to the subject. There's very little information provided about the history of Avian Malaria, so that would be a good subtopic to include the information you've done research on.

Additional Questions/Notes


 * I definitely think the article is relevant to our class so good job on that!
 * Keep up the good work. I'd say tone and balancing information are the key points to work on to improve the article.

- Isaac (EEEpidemiologist)