User:Fiondion/Park Rehyun/Ziggy9alm Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Fiondion


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Fiondion/Park Rehyun


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Park Rehyun

Lead/Biography:
There is no real concrete lead. Attempt to address why she chose to pursue the arts, what was her inspiration or what were her goals. What was her major? Did she receive her bachelor's? Master's?

Some sentences could use a little restructuring so it can flow nicer and more cohesively...

Ex: "Park married a celebrated artist, Kim Ki-chang, in 1946 which caused a stir within the art community because of their social statuses. Park Rehyun, considered a modern woman, married a man who was hearing-impaired and only finished elementary school."

Try: 'In 1946, Park was married to Kim Ki-Chang, a well-loved artist, although he was considered to be below her social status within the current artistry community due to his hearing-impairment and lack of higher education.'

What was her daughters name? "Her youngest daughter, who is a nun in South Korea, said in an interview that she had spent her life as a good mother, as well as a committed painter and wife." Think about changing "she" to "Park"

Try: 'Her youngest daughter, __(name)__, who is a nun in South Korea, stated in an interview that Park had spent her life as a good mother and wife as well as a painted committed to her work.'

Organization/Structure:
The work you have done is in a good order although I recommend restructuring a few things such as the sentences I listed above.

Balance:
I believe that the current "Biography" section could be slightly longer as theres plenty of room to list her what her life was like growing up, attending schools, or even how she came to be interested in art. Other than that I think it looks good.

Neutral Content:
The content is perfectly neutral.

Reliable Sources:
There are currently no sources listed besides hyperlinks to places, people, and things

Images and Media:
Including images would be very helpful for those first learning about Park Rehyun. Her current wikipedia page has only one picture of herself. If she was such a pioneer in her craft, why are there no pictures of her pieces attached to her Wikipedia site?

Overall:
Overall, this is a good start. I would suggest diverging from the current Wikipedia article a little bit more. There seems to be plenty of information out there you could add but just haven't yet (which is to be expected since this is simply a draft). Rephrase and reword somethings to assure the tone is completely neutral all while presenting the information as well as you can. Park seems super interesting, she deservers the recognition I hope you can provide for her. Good job so far!