User:Flyigglesfly

February 4th, 2018 was the conception of the Holy united Hebrews (HuH) by means of the Philadelphia Eagles of the National Football League. It had been decreed at the birth of the religion in 2004 that if the Eagles were to ever win the Super Bowl championship game, the inaugural “Tammuz ‘esrim Resit Kasar” would take place that same year. Roughly translating to “Beginning of Harvest April Twenty,” the holiday pays homage to a lesser known ‘Passover’ in Jewish Lore, in which the chosen people were able to distinguish themselves from the heathen by means of black smoke from their place of dwelling. Those who did not billow the dark clouds heavenwards would be ruthlessly snatches away by the demitannon, a creature sent from the Almighty to cleanse the world of sin. The newly formed ‘Holy united Hebrews’ of West Philadelphia, a more lax approach to traditional Jewish faith, decided that if their beloved Philadelphia Eagles were to win the Super Bowl they would celebrate this traditional holiday on the day it occurred, April 20th. Inspired by the Terrel Owens offseason acquisition, a move that blessed a new sect of the religion as well as cursed with banger headaches, the Eagles approached the 4th quarter with victory in sight. Well, Donovan McNabb puked as Andy Ried mismanaged the clock and the Super Bowl championship was no more. With a couple of months before the 20th of April, the HuH founders were able to scheme up a way to pay tribute as originally intended while also punishing themselves for having false hope in the unholy trinity of Owens-Ried-McNabb. Incredibly forward thinking at the time in 2005, the HuH was acutely aware of our planets ozone issues and would not burn the traditional smoke into the sky. Instead they would burn it down with copious amounts of pure Jamaican jazzy cabbage. This would only taste sweet following the afore mentioned championship, so they chose to shred their lungs to tatters with a carton of Newport’s every April 20th. It’s been a long and trying 13 years for the upstart HuH since they sliced their corner of Judaism and a hyper specific holiday to rally around but finally, the original tribute has come to pass. Every member of the HuH has been looking forward to April 20th, 2018 for most of their lives never knowing if it would arrive. This upcoming festival of harvest will be the most legendary day in the history of the Holy united Hebrews. Shalom, Iggles, Shalom.