User:Fork me

Hi, I'm a science teacher from England, currently living and working in Limassol, Cyprus. I spent my first 11 years of teaching working in Eastbourne. I was born in Brighton in 1968 and educated at the University of Sunderland, University of Westminster and University of Brighton.

This username started out as a troll name for use on bulletin boards and Usenet but ended up becoming my normal posting name.

Interests include Science, Brighton & Hove Albion Football Club, AEL Limassol, local history, a huge variety of musical tastes and the generally wierd and wonderful.

Past jobs have included (but not been limited to!): Barman, lifeguard, DJ, band promoter, labourer, Biomedical Scientist and McDonalds worker. I'm proud to say I was sacked from the latter aged 17.

You can find me on discogs here.

Articles I've created
David Devant

John Jackson (football manager)

Limassol Crusaders

Martha Gunn

Peter Ward (footballer born 1955)

Suburban Studs

Articles I've substantially re-written (or "un-stubbed")
Frank Scott-Walford

Mevagissey

Mighty Terror

Whitehawk

Vandalism
I don't actively seek it out but I do remove it when I see it......

.....except on the very rare occasions where it's actually funny rather than just pathetic.

My favourite piece of vandalism so far is this gem added to the Whitehawk article on 27th May 2007:

''During early 2007 a major earthquake measuring 4.8 on the Richter scale hit Sussex with its epicentre in Whitehawk.Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering."Faaaackinell" ''The earthquake decimated the area,causing approximately 30 pounds worth of damage.Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa del Sol were damaged beyond repair.Three areas of historic burned out cars were disturbed.Many locals were woken before their giro's arrived.Southern FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered with the fact that something interesting had happened in Whitehawk. ''One resident.Tracey sharon Smith.A fifteen year old mother of five said. ''"It was such a shock.Little Chardonnay Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying.My youngest two,Tyler-Morgan and Victoria Storm slept right through it.I was skinning up and watching Trisha in the Morning" ''Apparantly looting,muggings and car crime continued unaffected. ''The British Red Cross has shipped in 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to help stricken locals.Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of Bone China from the Pound Shop and other belongings including benefit books and jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos.

''HOW CAN YOU HELP?

''This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to have been caught up in this disaster.Clothing is most sought after-items most needed include.

''Fila or Burberry Caps. ''Kappa tracksuits(His and hers). ''Shell suits(Female) ''White sports socks. ''Rockport boots. ''Any other items usually sold in Primark.

''Food parcels are also needed.Required foodstuffs include. ''Microwave meals. ''Tins of baked beans. ''Ice Cream. ''Cans of White Lightening or Special Brew.

''22p buys a pen to fill in the compensation forms. ''Two pounds buys chips and blue fizzy drinks for a family of nine. ''Five pounds buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

''Breaking News.

''Rescue workers found a girl aged about twelve in the rubble,smothered in raspberry alcopop. ''"Where are you bleeding from?" they asked her. "The Hawk" she replied."What the f***s it got to do wiv you?"