User:Franci8740/Inhwan Oh/Broeygisvon1446 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Franci8740


 * Link to draft you're reviewing

Draft


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

A current version of this article does not exist.

Evaluate the drafted changes
I think the information in the lead is great except for one thing,* but some of it should be moved around so that the first sentence has the most defining information. The detail about where Oh works and lives can be later in the paragraph, and the information about the kind of statement his art makes can be in the first sentence. This way the reader can get the gist about the type of art he makes and the type of artist he is, straight from the get-go.

* There is just one piece of information that is incorrect. The City College of New York (CCNY) is not CUNY itself but one of the colleges within CUNY, like Hunter. So it is unintentionally misinforming to say that he attended CCNY when it was Hunter that he attended, as you later write. It might just be better to exclude writing about the CUNY system at all because it's sort of difficult to explain, especially in an article that isn't about CUNY. But you could write that he attended Hunter College and apply a hyperlink (< like that) to the article which would do the explaining for you.

I don't think it is necessary information but if it is available, perhaps include the part of Seoul that Oh was born in in the lead. Maybe there is also information about his childhood and how that influenced his art which can be put later in the article.

The division of topics is great, I would just add more information to them if possible. Is there a lot of information available on this topic?

It may be good to hyperlink any places or schools that you mention in your article so that a reader can just click and find out more. I don't think it's necessary but it's helpful. Also including the Korean writing for Oh Inhwan (오인환) would be nice.

Very small thing about grammar: I know usually the citation goes before the punctuation in academic writing but I believe that on wikipedia the footnote goes after the punctuation, always.

I think some sources might be missing from the information that exists thus far, about "Where He Meets Him" and about his 2015 prize under the career section. I would like to see more about his personal life if possible.

Besides this, I think this is a great start especially because you're writing from scratch.