User:Francinewithaperm/Cleomenes I/Superdeadpatroclus Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Francinewithaperm


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Cleomenes I


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Cleomenes I

Evaluate the drafted changes
On the link wikipedia gave me it didn't look like there was anything in your sandbox, so I can't really compare with anything so I'll just leave comments on the article. If you want to send me the draft of your changes I'd also be happy to look over those and give more feedback! :)

Lead

I thought the lead was good, and gave a good sense of the importance! I think the bit on the pronunciation is a good note, but maybe not important enough for the first sentence. I think the sentence "He was a brilliant tactician" could be elaborated on and expressed more neutrally. I also think it would be helpful to mention that how and why he was imprisoned before saying he died in prison. Also I don't know if there are many depictions of Cleomenes, but a picture with the facts on the column on the right would look nice.

Article Structure

I think the articles structure is good and is laid out chronologically in a way that makes sense. I would definitely get rid of the Historical Significance section because it is very short and could be included in the lead. Other than that the sections all feel balanced to their importance and make sense.

Coverage Balance

I think the coverage is pretty even across the whole article. I would've liked to hear more about what makes his death "mysterious" and what the controversy was, but I understand that might be difficult information to find. The sentence in the "Early Life" section that talks about Scythian Style wine could definitely be broken up into more sentences for clarity. Also there is a link to a page that doesn't exist for Maeandrius, so I would consider unlinking that page. I also think the section on his early life could talk a bit more about his childhood, but I understand if that information is not available.

Tone Neutrality

I thought overall the tone was very neutral. As I mentioned before there are a few spots where he is referred to as brilliant that could be rephrased to be more neutral.

Sources

I think the sources all look good, but I think it would help to have more of a variety of sources. Of course, that is not always possible though.