User:FrankPascoe

Frank Pascoe was born in Slough under a bus. From an early age he fell in love with rhubarb. It was a dangerous addiction... seven years later and he is a regular on "cash in the attic" specialising in rhubarb investments. Despite this Frank has still managed to rise to great heights: in 2020 he managed to time travel, and a year later he was blabbing on about some "corbyn apocoalypse." Given his shit haircut, Frank has always struggled to attract people of the opposite sex, with one lady calling him a "flangemunching pissflap." Despite this Frank persisted and last year bagged himself a beauty from Camden who goes by the name "Nutgobbler," (she is really a delightful beast).

Career. Frank first went into the dairy industry when he tripped and found himself naked on top of a yoghurt pot. Since then his frightening attraction to dairy products (particularly extra mature cheddar) has confused even the legendary nutgobbler. Having been tragically diagnosed as lactose tolerant Frank was forced to leave the dairy industry and has since avidly pursued a career in drink driving. Often found out of his mind on illegal J2O's, he has been arrested no more than 69 times, ironic considering his mothers age...

Early Childhood. Born as Kylie Jenners (nearly) identical twin, he has often been heckled by the paparazzi, with them dubbing him the "Sexy big booty Stalin of our day." His relationship with Kylie has been frosty to say the least... in 2007 he fed her a supersized silicon Chicken breast, extracted directly from his family friend Jacob Reese-Mogg. Needless to say, despite her attraction to Jacob (playboy bunny of the year 1408) she was not best pleased by Frank's dubious cooking skills, mixing sweet and sour with petrol and diesel... That was a messy afternoon...

Current whereabouts. Frank was last seen roaming the streets of Totnes, with three pineapples in his pants and a look of pleasant suprise as he devoured banana after banana. Police have been searching desperately for him to try to get him to testify against Theresa May who he reportedly found fornicating his yoghurt and then proceeded to force her (against her will her lawyers assure us) to run through several fields of wheat. He has a million carrot price on his head for such a horrific form of torture.

Any information of his whereabouts would not be appreciating as he does the worst shits known to man...