User:Frank Uncle







Uncle Frank
Uncle Frank was born Frank Junior Frank to Mary Frank and Frank Senior Frank on the bottom of a coral reef of the coast of Parkston, Iowa on June, 14th, 1604. During his childhood, he created several democratic nations under discrete names like "Smith Drive" and "West Gunnison Street". Nobody realized the legitimacy of these nations until they had been long extinct. Nowadays, you can find Gunnison Street running through Chicago, IL. After several failed attempts to patent a specific part of Hannah Monson's arm, Uncle Frank preceded to found Unicef, where he revolutionized the idea of peddling for world peace organizations via Halloween candy bags. Later in life, he would look back upon this time in his life as "The Golden Age". Several historical books have mistaken this age and time for "The Gilded Age", the second industrial revolution of America, as well as another minor period in which small projects like the Colossus, The Great Pyramids, Marco Polo's Embassy, and the Cure for Cancer were discovered by Uncle Frank in Sid Meier's Civilization II. Correction fluid. During the Third Reich, Uncle Frank stood behind Hitler's less advertised idea to start out a powerful hotel chain, in which the Jewish population of the world could be housed under considerably nicer accommodations than such concentration camps as Auschwitz and Esterwegen, and Welterweights. Correction fluid. STOP. The current underground rap scene claims Uncle Frank discovered such ancient civilizations as Mongolia, Sumeria, France, and Illinois. They, being fully aware of certain treason laws during the 1700's, used very strict and effective code words to describe Uncle Frank, including "fly", "dope", and "wack". Certain sources suggest that these terms were inspired by Uncle Frank's early motown and R&B career, which put out the classic albums Aloha from Hawaii Via Satellite(1973) and Around the World in a Day(1985). After a brief clash with the music industry resulting in modern day pirating laws and the RIAA, Uncle Frank began to develop a serious cold. Reports of definite infected coloring of the snot, as well as a considerable amount of sniffles, lead the historians of todays Triton College to make the conclusion that, on August 3 1492, the moon was sneezed forth from this Earth by the shock wave emitting from Uncle Frank's nose. During later years, Uncle Frank recalls the young generation of Spain referring to this act as "flippin' the bird", or (as the American people have come to know it) "rock music". Several references inside the vaults of early Genesis and Led Zeppelin albums confirm the popularity of Uncle Frank in the rock scene, but few sources have overturned raw recordings of Uncle Franks work. The only mainstream, if that, evidence of his guitar mastery is the recording "Peaches in Regalia", on the Frank Zappa Album "Hot Rats". Oh my god, I like live for West Side Story. STOP. One of the more biblical references to Uncle Frank is his exclusive membership in the Knight's Templar, in which he developed a strong sense of smell and drinking. During the crusades, which began as a particular ill-thought out AA meeting for Uncle Frank, Uncle Frank began the tradition of dogs walking in a circle before they fall asleep. Few people in the modern age can decipher the meaning of such a maneuver, but it was said by Uncle Frank that:

“There is only one large circle that we march in, around and around, each of us with our own little picture -- in front of us -- our own little mirage that we think is the future.”

From Mack Biester's Biography of Uncle Frank:

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Before his death, Uncle Frank began several small exploits to "fill the last years of my life with joyous, Republican, nonsense." The products of these en devours include Volkswagen Beetles, The Beatles, ladybugs, and fairies. Other ill-advised adventures include motorcycle rides across busy intersections, stealing gels from local middle school stage shops and replacing them with pornography, orange juice, and glue.

Uncle Frank died September 11, 2001.