User:FrozenFrosch/Afghan refugees/Winter-PSU Peer Review

General info
FrozenFrosch
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:FrozenFrosch/Afghan refugees
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Afghan refugees

Evaluate the drafted changes
I would recommend adding dates and sources to the selected section with clear references, especially in the opening paragraphs. Are you going to allude to your new content in the given introduction for the article? The US has a particularly conflicting history with Afghanistan, which is definitely worth mentioning in the introduction and in the section you're editing. Why did the US decide to withdraw in 2021? What events led up to that? How/why did the most recent war begin? Were there earlier US interventions in Afghanistan besides the most recent war? Where are you planning on adding the draft text you started? More references need to be added, at least 5 more. Both of your sources are from the US government, which could bias your section towards the Western version of events. Neither are peer-reviewed. I encourage you to explore more neutral sources, or at least, to provide other perspectives outside of the West, including some from within Afghanistan. The US tends to embellish their side of the story as it pertains to conflict in the Middle East.

I think the content is leaning towards a bias for the West. I would not put so much emphasis on the US citizens fleeing Afghanistan because they aren't really true refugees. How many refugees is the US and other countries taking in? What challenges stand in their way? Focus on the global issue of Afghan refugees caused by the US's mishandling of Afghanistan. The US isn't the only country trying to deal with the consequences of the US invasion. What other programs across the globe have been created to deal with the new influx of refugees caused by the US's failure to achieve a democratic state? I would talk about the racism and inequalities faced by the refugees as they try to enter new countries. What are their prospects like? Do host countries set them up for success or failure? How often are they forced to go back to Afghanistan and why? How did COVID-19 exacerbate the refugee crisis? Which countries have failed Afghani refugees and which have enacted successful programs? What policies have worked and which haven't? There are a lot of angles you could explore, but it's important to not downplay the US's role in where things are at today. The US and the Taliban caused the most recent Afghani refugee crisis. If you are going to lay your focus on recently current events, then this cannot be stated enough. I would strongly recommend new sources to explore these viewpoints.

Minor grammatical and capitalization errors are present in the few sentences of the new draft. Nothing is directly cited to the exact sources. I like the ideas for adding in blue links to the article. I'd have liked to see an easier to understand outline of planned changes. I don't think any images or media is necessary to add to this section of the article, but I think the current CBS News image should be removed as it is not from a reputable, peer-reviewed source. Is it even legal to have on there with copyright laws? I think picking a time period of the US's meddling would be the most efficient for you. You could go back to the Soviet-Afghan War, the Afghan Civil War that followed and led to the rise of the Taliban, the post-9/11 invasion, or the most recent withdrawal of NATO and US troops. The US had a hand in all of these conflicts, and each gave rise to mass exodus of Afghani refugees. If you pick the most recent, you still need to give background information on why things got as bad as they did via the US's actions. Good luck!