User:Frukiiwit/sandbox

Evolution Section [Talk page entry]


 * I think this section is a great start, however, I think the significance of Lil Nas X and the positive LGBT representation he has garnered for the genre deserves at least a paragraph.
 * "Black queer female artists" are mentioned briefly in the very last sentence of this section, almost like an afterthought. More space should be given to prominent queer female artists, like Queen Latifah, Young M.A., Syd, for instance. I attempted to address this content gap with the "Negative representation of women and homosexuality" section I added, but I think the "Evolution" section is a great place to expound upon the more positive representation these female artists have contributed to

Suggested Structural Changes [Talk page entry]

I think the following structural changes and reorganization would significantly improve the article's clarity and flow. These are major changes, however, so I'd like others' input and ideas about whether these changes make sense for the article or if there are better ways to go about this:


 * The different sections of the article do not all have corresponding introductions in the lead section. For the ones that do, they are not presented in the order in which the lead section mentions them.


 * The writing quality can be improved, particularly at the level of sentence structure and paragraph organization, in the Evolution and Criticism sections. I've already made some edits in the latter on this point.


 * The Criticism section seems to be a continuation of the Homo hop subsection under History, but it follows the section on Evolution, which discusses the overall evolution of LGBT representation in hip hop (not just homo hop). The Criticism section should therefore be removed and embedded within the Homo hop subsection, which should come out of the History section and be a separate section since it's a significant part of the article. The content of the Commercialization subsection could then be embedded within the Evolution section above.


 * Following the above reorganization, the paragraphs of the Lead section could be reordered to match the revised organization in the article's body.

Later negative representations [Talk Page entry] -- Then, make this change and move the Lesbophobia section here


 * Remove the Later negative representations subsection from the History section and make it its own section. Possibly change title to "Negative Representation"
 * Remove the section on Song Lyrics and incorporate the examples in that section in the new Negative Representation section described above

Lesbophobia -- Add this paragraph/section first and publish


 * 1) New section
 * 2) References

Potential Edits [Original Talk Page entry]

I have several ideas for improving this article. The following are my ideas for edits to the page; those labeled [Potentially] are significant edits which I feel especially warrant a proper proposal here on the Talk Page. If you would like a more in-depth explanation of my motivations and reasoning for each of these edits, you can find them on this page: User:Frukiiwit/Evaluate an Article - Wikipedia. I tried to be fair and balanced in my explanations. If there is something I may have misunderstood or confused, please do point it out! Thanks!


 * 1) Rewrite the introductory paragraph of the lead section for clarity and definition of the topic, i.e., what does "LGBT representation in hip hop music" refer to?
 * 2) Remove phrases which betray bias and judgement from the intro paragraph of the lead section
 * 3) Reorganize the paragraphs of the lead section to better correspond to the presentation of sections in the body of the article
 * 4) Write a paragraph, at least, on notable LGBT non-male hip hop artists and their contributions to LGBT representation in hip hop music - there is not as much space given to LGBT female artists and their contributions to LGBT representation in hip hop
 * 5) Write a paragraph, at least, on the prevalence and impact of lesbophobia in hip hop music -- this is a major content gap in the article since it is a pervasive issue relating to LGBT discrimination/representation in hip hop
 * 6) Remove and/or rephrase tonally problematic sentences and statements in the "Criticism" section which do not obey Wikipedia's guidelines on neutrality
 * 7) Include at least 3 images in the article. Currently, there are no images or media in the article
 * 8) [Potentially] Remove the "Later negative representations" section from the "History" section and make it a main section
 * 9) [Potentially] Remove the section on "Song Lyrics" and incorporate the examples in that section in new "Negative representations" section from 7.
 * 10) [Potentially] Reorganize the major sections of the article for clarity and readability (I discuss this in detail in the Organization and Writing Quality part of my evaluation)