User:GERSH.D/Prostitution in the Dominican Republic/JC847966 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

GERSH.D   Prostitution in the Dominican Republic


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:GERSH.D/Prostitution_in_the_Dominican_Republic?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Prostitution in the Dominican Republic

Evaluate the drafted changes
The additional content that you added seems beneficial to the overall article, and something that was omitted by the original authors. The content you added is relevant to the topic. Judging from your sources, the content is up to date and specific to the content. I believe that you could have expanded on the exploitation that the women face, and explain further the dynamic relationship that exists between a prostitute and a client. How often do the women and man committing the crime end up together? Are the Dominican prostitutes hoping to travel back with the men out of the country? Are these prostitutes specifically looking for foreign suitors, or is prostitution such a rampant problem in the DR that tourist prostitution is inevitable? The content you provided thus far is informative and fitting in the article, I would just like to know more about the aspect of prostitution that goes past the financial aspect. I would like to know your opinion of whether or not these women are seeking marriage because they will be granted a new life or because they are immersed in the idea of marriage? Surely some of the question I have posed to you or not useful, but I hope that it has led you to brainstorm some possible additions. Furthermore, I do believe your addition may have been an example of closing the equity gap on Wikipedia, as you gave a voice to the women of the DC that are being exploited.

I believe you had a neutral tone throughout your addition to the article, but must be careful as you continue. The addition felt a bit persuasive and I know it is hard not to write passionately about injustice, that must be avoided. I felt a bit persuaded to believe that these women are innocent in a way. Maybe incorporate how a tourist may observe the ghettos in which these prostitutes work, and describe the setting of where a prostitute lives. I feel that is underrepresented in the entirety of the article. I would only suggest to be a bit less persuasive in that these women are victims, and instead lead the reader to conclude that on their own.

Your use of references is something that I can use as an example of how to build my own. All of your citations appeared to be from scholarly articles and you can find the information you used in the cited articles. Additionally, you did not plagiarize or closely paraphrase any of the cited texts. All of the links that I clicked on brought me to the articles that you specified. However, when you have four citations in one small addition to a paragraph, you may want to vary the sources you use. There were three citation in a row that all led to the same article. Citing numerous sources will help to add credibility to the article. The sources that you did cite were helpful, I would only suggest adding other sources so that the same source is not cited consecutively.

As far as organization, I think your paragraph is organized well and fits with the existing article. However, there were a few grammatical errors. Woman has to be switch to women a few times and there are missing commas as well as words being used consecutively. Also, the sentence starting with "Generally if a woman is capable..." seems to begin to pose a question but then runoff. The sentence does not make sense as is. The mistakes are small, I would suggest a quick edit. I noticed the lack of media and images in the article. I know this is a tough subject but consider adding at least one picture.

Overall, I believe the content that you added benefitted the article and just needs some revising and expanding. This addition improved the article and I believed your strengths were the credible citations and the informative style of your writing. It was concise and informative, while have the proper verifiability source. Good job so far, and good luck in the completion of the article.