User:GabrielWeiss28/Altar to Yarhibol/Ed8795 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

GabrielWeiss28


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:GabrielWeiss28/Altar to Yarhibol


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Temple of Bel, Dura-Europos

Lead
Strong, concise lead on the Temple of Bel. Remove "From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Jump to navigationJump to search," and maybe add a sentence about the gods worshipped in the temple (including Iarhibol, which you will elaborate on in your section about the altar).

Altar to Iarhibol
Add more on who is Iarhibol? What kind of god is he (Palmyrene? What is he associated with - the moon, the sun? What iconography is he usually depicted with?). Be more clear and I would move this section (the third paragraph) to earlier in this section because it makes it clear who the god is. Then, you can talk more about the altar/inscription/etc. dedicated to him.

Add a visual analysis of the altar - what are the markings on the top of the stone? How large is it?

Tone
I would be more clear throughout: you're talking to readers without prior knowledge, so introduce every term with a sentence or two (ie. names and identities of Gods and excavators - who are they?, the excavation itself, etc.)

I would also include all the information on "Scribonius Mucianus" together - in one or two paragraphs maybe at the end of the article.

The tone is neutral, but a little complicated. I would use simple sentences to convey each idea.

Organization
The main thing I would fix is the structure - if you add a paragraph for each new idea you introduce (Iarhibol, the altar within the temple, the inscription, the multicultural significance), it will read much more cleanly.

Image
Is it possible to add an image in color? You could also increase the size of the image, since the altar is now a main aspect of this article.

Adding the altar to this article is definitely a good idea and improves it! I would just add a little more information on why it is significant that this god is worshipped in the Temple of Bel (via the altar), and by who (Palmyrenes and Romans? One or the other?) and describe more about the altar and the temple itself. I would also add information which we know about Palmyrenes serving in the Roman military, as this may explain the altar's presence and give a hint as to who worshipped at it.