User:Gabrielle.gagnon/Saguenay–St. Lawrence Marine Park/REMaccount-Mike Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Gabrielle Gagnon and Group


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Gabrielle.gagnon/Saguenay%E2%80%93St._Lawrence_Marine_Park?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Saguenay–St. Lawrence Marine Park

Evaluate the drafted changes
Review highlights aspects of your classmates’ work that are strong


 * First of all, great work! I didn't even know about this park, but reading the wiki draft made me want to visit
 * I found the area where park boundaries were described was really well done. It was easy to follow and still geographically informative. It complements the map that is already included in the original article.
 * The section Human Impact was very informative and well written. I thought the group did a great job addressing the concept of "Description of the issues/goals that led to the creation of the protected area". It was written in a neutral, and non-condemning way.
 * Great job with linking important concepts, species, and locations in article. It made it easier to navigate through information I had no previous knowledge about.
 * Strongly described the collaboration with different governments and organization
 * The article includes the relevant, required concepts from the rubric.

Learned from reading.


 * I learned that Saguenay-St. Lawrence Marine Park was the first national park with a protected purely marine environment.
 * I never thought about the effects of noise pollution for marine animals. The Noise Pollution Section was well written.
 * I learned provincial and federal governments can work closely together to support protected parks.

Need improvement


 * It would be nice to have more historical backgrounds of the Innu Essipit First Nation, the Pessamit Innu Band, and the Maliseet of Viger First Nation in Saguenay-St. Lawrence Marine Park.
 * Minimizing extra words to have a more concise article. Not using words such as "like", "that", etc when it is not necessary.
 * Instead of listing multiple (more than 3) species, a list format would be an easier read. Having a sentence consisting all the species may be overwhelming to read.

Places where it is difficult to understand the content or assess its accuracy because of confusing writing, language, or sentence structure


 * "This park is managed jointly managedLinks to an external site. by Parks CanadaLinks to an external site. (Government of CanadaLinks to an external site.) and SépaqLinks to an external site. (Government of QuebecLinks to an external site.)."
 * "It is the first national parkLinks to an external site. in both QuébecLinks to an external site. and CanadaLinks to an external site. to protect a purely marine environment"
 * "The St. Lawrence Beluga whale and the harbour sealLinks to an external site. are the two marine mammal species that are residents to the park year-round"
 * "The status was changed to Threatened in 1997. "
 * "The Saguenay-St.Lawrence Marine Park contains three distinct ecosystems, including the upper estuaryLinks to an external site., lower estuary, and the Saguenay-FjordLinks to an external site."
 * " Even with this lack of understanding they are thought to be a point of concern by Canada ParksLinks to an external site.."
 * "On April 6, 1990, the governments and Quebec and Canada signed an agreement to create the Saguenay-St. Lawrence Marine Park"
 * ^ Above are just a few sentences I picked out that could use resentencing and grammatical corrections.
 * I noticed quite a bit of run-on sentences, capitalization, and punctuation errors. A thorough review looking at grammar would be beneficial. But overall great work!

Structure of the article


 * Structurally, I would recommend structuring the article in chronological order. Start with the history of the geography, Indigenous peoples and historical use, then the bodies about the current state, and finally future management plans.
 * This will provide a better flow and historical background when reading the body paragraphs on the current state

Concepts not Addressed or not Clear


 * Information about First Nations whose traditional and ancestral territory/ies are included in the protected area
 * Historical use of the now-protected area: what resources were harvested or extracted there (biological resources like fish, animals, plants, or timber; physical resources like rock or oil), how much, when, and by who? How did this affect the formation of the protected area?

- Considering that not all concepts eeded to be touched upon, the artile was very informative on various different concept.

Tone


 * I found the article had a great, neutral tone.
 * Professional tone with accessible reading for the most part.

Sources used in the article


 * Good use of credible, reliable sources. ex. government websites, legislation, research articles.

Review comments on whether your classmates’ work is balanced: does it address the most important and notable aspects of the topic, or does it get bogged down in details?


 * Considering the fact that the original article had only several sentences, I found that the work was well balanced,
 * There was a couple overlapping parts between Species at Risk and Human Impacts. Not so much that it is repetitive, but joining/merging them in sone section may give a better article structure.

Review comments on issues of equity, diversity, and inclusion:


 * The article includes different viewpoints and goals from management teams, government and Indigenous peoples.
 * It was nice to have more information on the how the Indigenous People are helping co-managing.
 * The inclusion of Indigenous values, importance and goals regarding the park could be includes. Explaining and acknowledging what cultural significance the Indigenous peoples and the park holds.