User:Gabtatop/Education in El Salvador/Aswanson29 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Gabtatop


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://docs.google.com/document/d/1pLV_EjbjZoiuXWVcU_JaV6_011ozRa-4KdDmkY70pjQ/edit


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * https://docs.google.com/document/d/1pLV_EjbjZoiuXWVcU_JaV6_011ozRa-4KdDmkY70pjQ/edit

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Lead:

I think the lead does a good job here. However, the lead consists of entirely bullet points and no writing. I understand this is a draft, but I hope that the group changes this to its writing. It's also frustrating because there's no introductory sentence that explains what the article will be discussing. In the bullet points, it discusses the first section which is about the unequal access to education (reflecting income inequality), the different educational sections, evaluations of its system, and improvements. These all mirror what is written, but once again I would have liked to see the group write out their lead instead of me evaluating bullet points. The lead is concise, but I would have liked to see it integrate more sections.

Content:

The article contains sections that encapsulates what education is and the effects on educational quality in El Salvador. They included areas like crime and poverty which are useful to understand. However, I would have liked to seen a part on politics and education. The article talks extensively about economic inequality, poverty, crime and educational requirements in El Salvador, but there's nothing about politicians who have attempted to campaign on reforming crime or changing it. In future discussions, I'd appreciate if they added a section on this. There is also no attempt to focus on educational inequalities relating to race or gender. So, I think adding politics and race would improve the content of this article. Specifically, I think the discussion about the payment of teachers isn't neutral. The authors of the article compare the salaries of El Salvador teachers to U.S teachers. I don't think Wikipedia will appreciate that section. "Much like in the United States, this places teachers in the middle class of society". None of the content is politically biased, but I think adding in comparisons to the U.S reduces the objective reporting of El Salvador's education. Moreover, the citations are quite poor. The article contains references like "add citation here" or "footnote" here. This isn't productive to the reader whatsoever. I can't evaluate the links on the citations because they don't exist. There are references to the EDUCO sections, and these are sourced directly from the website. I believe in the objectivity of that source. Looking at the bibliography, there are only 4 sources listed. Given the length of the article, I would've liked to seen more.

Overall impressions:

The article does a good job in exploring what El Salvador's education curriculum is and possible effects of the system. However, I would have liked to seen sections on affirmative action, cost, racial and gender inequities to access, rankings of the university system, etc. All of these would bolster the article, and I'd recommend they visit Education in the United States wiki article for a good reference.