User:Gahungu

Marshall Quelch
Date of Birth: Unknown

Marshall Quelch was born in the pit of a dragon's belly. He brought his consciousness into existence through sheer power of will. Where this will power originated from is still under debate among leading scholars (see: "The Study of Marshall Quelch").

Marshall Quelch Facts:

Marshall Quelch eats kittens and poops out lions.

Marshall Quelch hunts grizzly bears in British Colombia from his home in Manitoba with a long bow.

Marshall Quelch pillaged, raped and conquered the highest peak in Manitoba. He now calls it home.

Marshall Quelch traveled back in time and had the opportunity to kill lil'Hitler, but he didn't because he has too much respect for the space-time continuum.

Aslan, Jesus and Malcom X have had a picture of Marshall Quelch in their lockers.

When you flirt with his daughter Marshall Quelch WILL have you in the cross hairs of his long bow.

Marshall Quelch negotiates with volcanoes and convinces them to stop erupting with pure logic.

Adamantium was reversed engineered from Marshall Quelch's mothers placenta. (she was a virgin)

Marshall Quelch separated the church from the state with one word. He stood between them and said menacingly, "run".

Hear what happened to the cherry tree that Abe Lincoln chopped down? Marshall Quelch made a hunting tree stand from it using unicorn glue.

After the Snuffleupagus put the moves on Marshall Quelch's mom they had to rename Sesametropolis, Sesame Street.

Marshall Quelch bench pressed a motorcin so fast, he offset the earth's axis thereby creating the seasons.

Leading scientists have been trying to genetically duplicate Marshall Quelch to no avail. Past failures have been: Mandela, Gandhi and Obama.

Rubics cubes are based on schematics Marshall Quelch wrote on the wall of the wolf's den after coming out of his wolf mother's womb. He used placental juices as ink.

Marshall Quelch actually invented the algorithm that creates Sudokus. He reverse-engineered it from the tracking algorithm used by NASA in the SETI program.

Marshall Quelch's pubes are so thick he uses them as r-10 value insulation. His house is always a balmy 28 degrees Celsius in the dead of winter with minimal heating costs.

Marshall Quelch once punched oblivion back into existence. He then set it free in the woods, gave it a 2 minute headstart, then hunted it down with a long bow.

Marshall Quelch has read every book in the world, ever. And written an elaborate, thought provoking analysis on each ones historical context and significance, ever.

Marshall Quelch was walking through Scotland one day, when he accidentally stubbed his toe on a cask of whiskey. His glare was so fierce that the whiskey aged 22 years in a single second. He then cracked open the cask, took a sip, and was so pleased by the drink that he decided to spare the life of Russel Crowe.

Marshall Quelch Fiction:

Marshall Quelch is a mere mortal.

Marshall Quelch could beat up Marshall Quelch.