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THE HISTORY OF PIZZA many people would initially assume that pizza found its origins in ancient Italy but you'd be surprised to hear that it goes much further back than that to the ancient Babylonians this revelation came with the discovery of an ancient Babylonian recipe book in the form of a clay tablet amongst your regular recipes of meat and vegetarian dishes it also speaks of a particular recipe with a flatbread with vegetable toppings on it ancient pizza what makes this finding even more interesting is that Babylonians were famously know for their developments in math and science due to a lack of them having no friends they calculated the area of a circle by taking three times the square of its radius which gave a value of pi, or close to it yeah that's right 3.1415926535 8979323846 but why do they call it pi? that stands for pizza pie the ancient inventors of pizza also invented circles unfortunately after the Persian king Sirius the grey conquered Babylon the development of pizza that we know today was almost halted. Because for some reason the guy just didn't like flatbreads. Now let's talk about little Caesar One of the most influential people in the history of pizza was born in 70 BC as non other then the son of Julius Caesar Caesar the second. Many Historians believe that Julius Caesar only had one son but a seasoned pizza scholar like myself knows that that's not the truth Caesar had his son with a woman named Octavia but he wasn't married to her. Which is bad drama deceit adultery this child was a bastard and what makes matters worse is that when Octavia was pregnant with Caesar the second she was viciously mauled by a bear so he came out real small and were talking like really short this guy was 4'11 at best when you're really short and nobody talks to you because your dad doesn't love you. You do things to mask the pain this was little Caesars situation the dude was miserable but that caused him to discover something that had been lost for many years. Little tiny Caesar was the first person to put toppings on focaccia bread, Making it a trend with the local village and let me tell you they loved Little Caesar was having a lot of sex. And the power of this early pizza was spreading through the roman republic like a wildfire as well as the ideas of Freedom and individuality that pizza often promotes unfortunately This was around the same time his father Julius Caesar had declared himself dictator for life of the roman republic who just so happened to not be a fan of those themes. One day as little Caesar was enjoying his Focaccia bread with toppings on it he would be ambushed by a group of Anti-Pizza Caesar Thugs who just beat the crap out of poor little Caesar they beat him so bad that Historians think that. Little Caesar had Brain damage because the only recorded thing he said after this event was "PIZZA PIZZA" from that moment on little Caesar was exiled from society by his own father which is super mean! and not cool. And only Devout Followers of little Caesar would take on the way of the pizza through secret underground apprenticeships once again it seemed like the way of the pizza could go extinct which is tragic that is of course until the pizza explosion little Caesar with his limited vocabulary. Passed down his pizza recipe for hundreds of years with each apprentice adding their own little jazz to the mix their own little spice if you will people added tomatoes they added cheese it was becoming more complicated. More scientific Italy was suddenly a booming paradise of pizza technology. Pizza Diversity it was a beautiful time to be alive people often like to call the renaissance but I think that's a stupid name so I'll be calling it the Pizza Explosion after this period of time the pizza spread throughout the world. People were eating it in Moscow doing their funny little dance people were eating it in china along side cats and if weren't eating the pizza they wouldn't of built the Great wall of China to keep the Mongolians out from eating their Pizza. And of course Pizza Found its way to the seas which is were we run into Pizza Beard. The discovery of a new world also came the discovery of great economic prosperity on the high seas and of course with this came pirates. There are legends of a great pirate by the name of Giovanni Lufanti who was the captain of a ship called the doughboy's embrace, However like the fate of many pirates out at sea they fell victim to scurvy don't know what scurvy is? well its when you don't have enough vitamin C  and then your teeth fall out. Just when it seemed like everything was lost though Giovanni Lufanti had the intuition to put limes as a topping on the ships supply of pizza saving the crew and giving him the title Pizza Beard. Pizza Beard and his Pizza Crew went onto fight many battles of legend including the pizza battle of 1652 ending only with, Pizza Beard being Hanged. for punching a kid he was actually hung by his own crew because in terms of piracy that's where they draw the line. Punching kids hundreds of years later Pizza Artisans much like Pizza Beard went on to seek their fortune in the land of opportunity of course that leads us to New York style pizza New York style pizza characterized by large hand tossed crust and sold in big slices for the city that never sleeps. What historians don't tell you don't tell you is this pizza styles connection with the famous five families of the Italian-American organized crime scene, You've got the Maranzano the profacies the manga and the Gogliano but what they don't talk about is the mozzarellas the sixth family in the Italian-American organized crime scene don't believe me? don't search it up. The Mozzarella Family was founded by Antonio Proganculo Mozzarello but his friends like to call him Tony. His Enemies however they call him the Grease and I don't know why so similar to how many organized crime syndicates engage in loan sharking the Mozzarellas followed a similar model except that in their case they called it Pasta Sharking they pretty much controlled the pizza economy in New York by having a stranglehold on the pizza sauce imports into the city and then selling it back to the pizza shops at exorbitant rates obviously this was not good for the city of New York or the New York Style Pizza. I mean the Mozzarellas were fucking everything up making pizza more expensive pizza should be cheap and cheesy as Socrates because he's the one who said that. So one day Joe Lombardi son of Generro Lombardi who founded the very first pizza shop in the United States found the staten island dough tosser book club this was a team made up of the best pizza makers in New York city You've got, Joe Lombardi, Vito Pastaliano, Giorno Salami, Carmine Gabacool and Tony Dorbell these were some of the best pizza makers in New York City and they were sick of Mozzarella's shitzerllo let me tell why it was called a book club. Nobody ever checks whats going on inside a book club because nobody cares what happens next is. Joe Lombardi and his crew of Dough Tossers burst into the Mozzarella Headquarters and they kill Antonio Prosicutto Vapanculo Mozzarello but not before they giving him one final slice of New York City Pizza but this time the sauce was the blood from his beloved cat Bologna after that the Mozzarella family was dissolved and pizza in NYC thrived like never before. Chicago Style Pizza will be the next pizza but i must end it here until next time.