User:GarySnoodleman

How to Be Cool

Do you have no friends? Hosting a party with no guests? Do you wear glasses? If you muttered an ashamed yes to any of these things, or have related problems, then clearly you're in need of a makeover. In this article, I'll teach you the four basics of being cool: Language, Appearance, Attitude and Boogie Ability. Plus, we'll go over the 10 tiers of being cool. As a certified Cool Guy, I'll be able to get you from dweeb to "wee you are cool!" But first, you have to be ready to be cool. Coolness chooses everyone at a different time. Maybe it's when you find your signature sunglasses. Or perhaps you learn a new funky move to bust out a group gathering. Whatever the case, everyone has the ability to be cool. They just have to find it in themselves. Unless you're name is Eugiene. Then you're hopeless. You can maybe be quirky fun, but never cool. It's a rule.

Part 1: Language Language. It's the basis of our communication with other humans. It separates us from uncool things, like homework and not having friends that are also cool. But the language of being cool is more than just communicating, it all comes down to the words you use and how you use them. The most important thing to ask yourself is, "How could I make what I'm about to say awesome, epic, and gamer?" It's really the fundamental talking cool. Or should I say, talking like a cool cat. That's a perfect example. Rather than just stating something, compare it to something cool. In fact, that falls under the first of three steps to talking cool. Step 1 is Reference Cool Things. Make sure the people you're talking to know you're cool by forcing a reference to something awesome. Some common and effective examples include race cars, swords, bikes, movies (action/rom coms only), tigers, rock and roll, and video games. Plus, anything popular is sure to get you more friends. Here are a few examples of boring phrases getting turned cool.

Boring: Let's go! Cool: Let's rock and roll!

Boring: I drive a car. Cool: I drive a race car.

Boring: I enjoy this object Cool: This thing is the bomb! Rambo!

Boring: I'm going to use this knife to cut my dinner. Cool: It's sword chopping time! Prepare to die, awesome fast food dinner!

Boring: How would you like to go to the park, friend? Cool: Let's bike to the mall, bro!

Boring: Movies will rot your brain! Cool: When Harry Met Sally is a beautiful tale that mixes humour and heart perfectly.

Boring: I have a pet cat. Cool: Check out my lil' tiger, man!

Boring: Last Saturday I read a book. Cool: Dude, I totally wrecked that video game over the weekend.

Wowza, looking cooler like an alligator with laser guns already! Alright the next aspect of a cool vocab is, you guessed it, shortening phrases, yo! Why say more words when you could not? While boring people may try to have a wide vocabulary to more accurately express what they're trying to say, we cool guys think that's l to the a to the m to the e, word! Let's give it a try.

Boring: Please pass me the water, sir. Cool: Pass me da wat, guy!

Boring: Those people are strange and confusing. Cool: Dat group's whack!

Boring: That's an interesting viewpoint! Cool: Dat intr'sting v-point!

Boring: How are you doing today? Cool: How yo?

Now, for the final step in the first step of being cool. Adding nonsense words! These include a variety of phrases that have no meaning to normal people. But we cool guys use 'em like they're the epic race cars wheels, ya know? Some nonsense words that can be used anywhere in any situation include wiggity, chumba wumba, shmacking, diggity, stankin', shwifty, and many, many more. Here are some basic uses of this technique:

Boring: Hello! Cool: Wiggity wiggity wat up my shmakcing chumba wumba!

Boring: I dislike this. Cool: Dat stankin' man.

Boring: I value you as a person. Cool: You da diggity epicest gamer in town, bruh!

Boring: That sure is neat. Cool: Yoy yo yo yo, dat shwifty dawg!

This concludes the basics of the Language portion of being cool. With these simple tricks, yo friends will be diggity dubblin' by the sec, yo!

Part 2: Appearance

You gotta look the look. If you have any hopes of being cool, you gotta wear what all the cool guys are wearing. Your style is one of the first things people notice about you. So you better make it wiggity wild.