User:Giannamadden/User:Giannamadden/South African Folk Music and AIDS/Claire Yeiji Hong Peer Review

General info
Giannamadden
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://w.wiki/9$UG:
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hi Gianna! You have a really interesting article and a good foundation to build on for revisions!

Lead Section:


 * You have good content in your lead section- I wonder if you could also add the date/approximate years that the epidemic was an issue (I think there was an epidemic issue in the 90s but there was also one in 2010ish) so that readers know which epidemic you are referring to.
 * The latter portion of your lead section has a lot of claims that don't seem to be very supported by evidence ("In many ways...that come from this important societal issue"). Maybe you can bring in evidence about what activists efforts helped HIV/AIDS victims, the effects of vocal groups/dancers/bands, how South African folk music helped people feel seen.

Content:

Local Reactions to the AIDS crisis:


 * In the beginning blurb, I think you can delete the first sentence (you mention how they were continuing to suffer in sentence 3)
 * The second sentence under "Khayelitsha Courthouse Protest 2002" notes that the need to uplift marginalized voices was more evident but that claim is unsupported by evidence.
 * Maybe you can include more info on the Treatment Action Campaign so that the readers understand what exactly the protesters wanted
 * In your second/third paragraphs of the "Khayelitsha Courthouse Protest 2002" section, you could add what specific songs were performed in the protest and the impact of this.

Performance Groups Involved:


 * What conflicts of interest were painted by Western media platforms? Maybe you could include more information on that claim.
 * Who was the highly influential research expert from Harvard that was at the Lodge?
 * It would be great if you could add other performance groups apart from the Siphithemba Choir and the type of music/songs they performed related to the protests on HIV/AIDS.

Notable People:


 * I think the information on the "Gavin Robert Walker" section is from Gavin Robert Walker and his article, which might make it biased.

Media Responses to South African Response to AIDS crisis


 * The title of this is a little long (maybe you can rephrase to "Media Responses to South African Protests?)
 * The information you present doesn't seem to connect with how they responded to the protests. I think you mention a lot about their coverage of the epidemic in general but there wasn't a lot of information about how they framed the protests.

Tone and Balance:


 * I think there were a couple instances when you wrote about claims or information that wasn't backed up by evidence.
 * Maybe it would be helpful to go back through the article and take out anything that seems like an argument or opinion if it doesn't have a source to back it up?

Sources and References:


 * It would be great if you could find additional sources that back up your claims!
 * Maybe you could look into sources that specifically talk about folk songs and its ties to the HID/AIDS epidemic.

Organization:


 * The organization of the article was clear and easy to follow.

New Article:


 * The article has at least 2-3 reliable sources for their topic.
 * As stated above, it would be nice to see more evidence and references in this article!