User:Gisselolzba/The Female Man/HannSel19 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

I am reviewing Gisselolzba's work.

I am reviewing Gisselolzba's draft here. The current version of the article can be found here.
 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Overall Impressions:

I think that the planned additions to The Female Man in this draft are great! I especially like that the direct quotation in the lead section were taken out, and I like how the basic description of the events were expanded; this version reads as a much stronger opener. Overall, I think Gisselolzba did an amazing job, and the changes to the Lead, Plot Summary, Characters, and Structure and Format are all effective. There are a few punctuation errors (particularly in the Plot Summary), so I would recommend rechecking everything before posting. If possible, I would also suggest adding an image to make the page more eye-catching.

The following areas of evaluation correspond to the questions in the "Peer Review Checklist."

Relevance:

Everything in the article is relevant to the article topic, and nothing distracted me from The Female Man.

Neutrality:

The article seems neutral, and it does not appear to be heavily biased towards a particular position.

Viewpoints:

There do not seem to be any viewpoints that are overrepresented or underrepresented.

Citations:

The links to both citations work, and sources are effectively used and cited.

Reliable References:

Facts are supported by an appropriate, reliable reference. The new sources both come from scholarly articles, and the information seems to be neutral.

Information:

Information does not seem out of date. The only potential missing information is the line "This disruption extends to" that trails off at the very bottom of the page; I would suggest double checking this line to make sure it is finished.

Additional Comments:

I really like a lot of the rewording and additions made in this draft. I would only recommend another round of proofreading.

For punctuation, I would double check comma usage in particular. For example, there are missing commas in the following lines: "She explains to the male interviewer the culture and customs of Whileawayans (a comma should be here) which differ greatly from Joanna's world. When Janet begins to explain to the interviewer how women in Whileaway "copulate (a comma should be here)" she is abruptly cut off by a commercial break."