User:Glacbbh/Water Incorporated

Water Incorporated is a fictional organization featured in the campaign announcing the launch of vitaminwater10.

Within the context of the campaign, Water Incorporated is a division of Nature Worldwide that manages the entire planet’s water supply. Traditionally reaching consumers through Earth’s rivers, streams, lakes and oceans, Water Incorporated also pioneered the blanket distribution system known colloquially as ‘rain’ and patented the Hydrologic Cycle™. More recently, they unveiled their latest innovation: water in bottles.

Contents:

1.	 History

2.	 Corporate Structure

3.	 Staff

4.	 External Links

History

Water Incorporated was founded four and a half billion years ago and since that time has enjoyed unchallenged dominance of the water market. The recent launch of vitaminwater10 poses the first-ever serious competitive threat to their market share. As the only naturally sweetened beverage with only 10 calories and great taste, vitaminwater10 has been said to have ‘one-upped nature.’

The origins of Water Incorporated predate the keeping of records. It’s understood, however, at some stage during the pre-Cambrian period, Mother Nature came up with the concept of water while searching for a refreshing alternative to the molten lava and superheated gases that were available at the time.

Today, Water Incorporated is one of the world’s most powerful companies, with market penetration that spans more than three quarters of the Earth’s surface.

Corporate Structure

At the apex of the Water Incorporated structure is Mother Nature, founder and CEO of the company. Below her is a loosely organized and sorely unmotivated collection of human and animal employees. The corporate inefficiency embodied by Water Incorporated is largely believed to stem from business practices that have remained unchanged since the dawn of time.

Staff

Name: Ned Specter

Title: Office Manager

Ned brings a wealth of experience and a giant personality to the role of Office Manager at Water Incorporated. His job is to ensure the efficient day-to-day running of the office - during the six months of the year he's actually awake.

The 'go-to' bear for any question you may have, particularly if that question relates to his last session at the gym, many employees have benefited from Ned's extensive knowledge of physical training.

Ned is a Capricorn, single and enjoys long walks in the forest.

Name: Frank Tonhazy

Title: HEAD OF FINANCE

Controlling the ‘purse strings’ at Water Incorporated is Frank Tonhazy, our Head of Finance. Frank has a real head for numbers – possibly the byproduct of having to remember the birthdays of each of his 136 kids.

Organizing payroll for all employees, including those who prefer to be reimbursed with meat or grain is a significant logistical challenge, but Frank is tireless in his dedication.

Outside of his work commitments Frank also finds the time to preside over his local PTA at the school where his kids make up 87% of the student body.

Name: Rick Schatzberger

Title: HEAD OF R & D

Heading up the Research and Development wing of Water Incorporated, Rick represents the cutting edge of innovative thinking. His idea to put water into portable bottles (a radical departure from our traditional ‘puddles, lakes and streams’ model) revolutionized the way we do business.

Rick is currently engaged in enlarging the Water Incorporated product range to include Salty™, Swampy™and the much anticipated Stagnant™.

Name: Phil Loeb

Title: MARKETING MANAGER

Responsibility for the Water Incorporated brand is left in the capable paws of Phil, our Marketing Manager. Phil can be found around the office from mid-morning to early afternoon, barring a significant lunch break.

Phil is charged with maintaining the voice of the company and no stranger to the public eye. His colorful 'performance' and forcible removal from last year's Lagoon Awards are legendary and the legal ramifications from his post-Christmas party celebrations two years ago are still unfolding.

Phil plays a pivotal role in the maintaining the quality of the Water Incorporated brand in the eyes of consumers around the world, he assures us. His revolutionary strategy focuses more on selling the ‘babble’ and less on the ‘brook.’

Name: Kent Masters

Title: HUMAN RESOURCES

Looking after Water Incorporated's most valuable resource (after water, that is) is Kent, our Head of Human Resources. Kent's role is far broader than his title suggests, but 'Head of Mammal, Reptile, Amphibian, Bird, Fish, Insect and Arachnid Resources' wouldn't fit on the office door.

Kent rejoins us after an extended leave of absence, resulting from a very candid exit-interview with a large gorilla.

Name: Bill Lipson

Title: SALES

Direct from Buenos Aires our Head of Sales, Bill, is a highly valued member of our team. His unique and repetitious sales technique consistently returns results, and his skills as a listener have made him the unofficial confidant for many other staff.

Bill has dedicated many years of service to Water Incorporated and, provided no one leaves the window open, we look forward to many more.

Name: Dan Tucker

Title: HEAD OF IT

Our resident technology wizard, Dan created the intranet you're reading now. Not only is he in charge of keeping Water Incorporated on the cutting edge of digital innovation, he's also the only one who can set the clock on the microwave.

Dan was responsible for introducing instant messaging as our intra-office communication system, phasing out the traditional use of messenger pigeons and significantly reducing window cleaning costs.

Name: Mother Nature

Title: CEO & FOUNDER

Mother Nature is the founder of Nature Worldwide and its subsidiary, Water Incorporated – makers and bottlers of water around the globe.

With management expertise honed since the dawn of time, Mother Nature is the visionary of the company. Commanding the entire natural world has equipped Mother Nature with a keen understanding of business dynamics and an impressive collection of indoor plants.

Despite the demands on her time, particularly around the Spring quarter, Mother Nature manages to maintain a strong and motivating presence around the office.