User:Gmd114/Polita Grau/Fudgevillain Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Gmd114


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Gmd114/Polita Grau


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Polita Grau

Evaluate the drafted changes
The article is takes a neutral tone, but I feel like in terms of content, the information could be organized better. A lot of the sentences sound incomplete or misplaced. For example: Her uncle, Ramon Grau-San Martin, was President of Cuba from 1933–1934 and again from 1944-1948. She served as first lady of Cuba during her uncle’s presidencies. Grau also grew up into a wealthy family. She was married twice, first to Roberto Lago-Pereda and then in 1939 to Jose Aguero-Cairo. She had two children, Ramon Francisco and Hilda Maria Aguero-Grau, and six grandchildren. None of these sentences really feel like they flow into the next. Above all, I feel what is missing from this page is detail. There are a lot of points in the article where I feel like it teases you with information. For example, "Grau also grew up into a wealthy family." What area did she grow up in? Did she live in Havana the entire time she was in Cuba? Are there any specifics or examples to illustrate her wealth? Adding in information like this might make the article feel more complete/organized.

The "Academia" portion seems like a good addition, it just needs more context/information. "Grau came to Miami from Havana for the first time during her senior year in high school, in where she graduated in a local parochial school." Why did Grau come to the United States? I also feel like the italicized part ("in") could be changed to "from".

The "Politics" portion could use some improvement; a lot of the sentences seem like they could be condensed and there are a few grammatical errors. While Grau was in prison, she wrote substantially on her involvement in Operation Peter Pan. It was solely from these papers that the Cuban government was finally able to discern the extent of the program (What does this mean? The extent of the program to what?), Operation Peter Pan. Grau had described Operation Peter Pan (Repetition) as child abuse and stated that the American government's participation was inhumane. Grau was referring the U.S acting inhumanely (Repetition) to the incident that occur in the 1980s where the State Department denied a request from the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees to assist in reuniting the Cuban children with their parents. (There is a lot grammatically wrong with this sentence; I think it needs to be rewritten. The last two sentences could definitely be condensed into one). Overall, the article was very informative and I think some of the portions you've added in will be interesting and educational once you elaborate on them. The grammar of the article definitely needs to be checked and some context needs to be added.