User:GojoJ/Lifestyle disease/Ms0615 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

GojoJ


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:GojoJ/sandbox
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Lifestyle disease


 * For your draft, you should include "Causes of the disease" (in a Heading format) above your edit so that it is more clear where it will be incorporated into the original article.

Like so:

Causes of the disease
"Diet and lifestyle are major factors that are thought to influence susceptibility to many diseases. Drug abuse, tobacco smoking, and alcohol drinking, as well as a lack of or too much exercise may also increase the risk of..."

More comments/suggestions:

 * The change you made to the second sentence might not be necessary. The original sentence stated: "Substance use disorders, such as tobacco smoking, and excessive consumption of alcohol..." and you changed it to "Drug abuse, tobacco smoking, and alcohol drinking..."


 * Given that tobacco and alcohol are considered drugs, they would be included in "drug abuse" rather than being treated as separate things. The original version of this sentence is a bit more inclusive because it says substance use disorders SUCH AS...


 * I think the change you made to the last sentence by taking away "behavioral factors" and adding "a person's lifestyle" was appropriate. My only suggestion though is to rearrange the order so that it is a bit more fluid. If I personally rewrote it, I would say something along the lines of, "A person's lifestyle changes such as unemployment, unsafe life, poor social environment, working conditions, stress and home life can increase their risk of developing one of the many non-communicable diseases.


 * The article could benefit from having more information in the "Death Statistics in the United States" section because the sections on India and Australia contain tables with statistics whereas the US does not have one.