User:Goodmorningworld/Memos to Self

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February 2009
What is Wikipedia? Is it…

Lord of the Flies — on steroids? Is it a daily re-enactment of Chris Jericho sneering at Rowdy Roddy Piper before knocking the legs out from under him and then stomping on his artificial hip several times for good measure while Piper lies writhing on the ground?

The admin droids patrolling the corridors of Wikipedia mean well for the most part. They obey their Prime Directives, which are (1) to serve the public trust, (2) to protect the innoent, (3) to uphold the law. Except… when an editor comes to an admin noticeboard to appeal for help against a perceived injustice suffered at the hands of an admin. That is because of Directive 4. From time to time, an admin droid will mention it. meatball:Defend Each Other. That breaches its secrecy but on the other hand it is so blatantly geekspeak that it might as well have been spoken in hieroglyphics.

In unguarded moments you will sometimes hear an admin say that he/she thinks it is his/her job "to manage editors". For the most part they have no idea at all how offensive and arrogant such a statement is. Put a bunch of adderall-addled pimply teenagers and college students "in charge" of the general population and that's what you get.

May 2009


Seppy, LC, and the arbs are going on an all-expenses paid, first class trip to Cygnus X-1. Extravehicular activity is offered as a free special, complete with air-conditioned spacesuit. Then while they are enjoying the fabulous view of the starfield surrounding the black hole, an unfortunate malfunction in their jetpacks propels them past the point of no return towards the event horizon.

The distance between myself in the cruise liner and the day trippers is carefully calibrated so that the point at which spaghettification occurs coincides exactly with the "freeze-frame position" – the point at which I as the more distant observer see them forever suspended in space, mouth open in a wordless scream, their eyes wide with the pain of being literally ripped apart.

For me it is not necessary to film the party on video. It will be there for me to return to whenever I please: big as life, in living color. Like a fly suspended in amber, they are preserved for eternity, forever dying but not yet dead. As an old man, I will enjoy returning there and sipping old bourbon while musing on justice and just deserts.