User:Goon Tribe

=Goon=

A rare species that originated from the Rockies in the 1500's, but have existed for millions of years. They are probably one of the only species to never evolve or become moderately intelligent. They are giants that can crush an entire village within minutes. They are naturally aggressive and often kill just for fun. They are, however, extremely stupid, and if you were to come across one, just hit it in the head and it will run. When born, the mother usually dies due to a dimensional rift in the vagina that is formed due to the birth of such a large object. Thus, most Goon are born without a mother, and are raised solely by the father. The father does not acknowledge the child's existence, thus making the Goon soft. The Goon can also be referred to as Bigfoot or Sasquatch. 

Diet

 * The Goon can consume 8 times its body weight
 * Small Children
 * Human Flesh
 * Poultry
 * Fast food
 * Anything edible
 * Anything non-edible
 * Beer (miller high life)

Appearance

 * Height- Range from 6'11 at birth and grow to about 8' 5 in adulthood.
 * Weight- roughly 2 tons as an infant and 15 as an adult
 * Wields giant club in one fist and some form of food in the other.
 * Stupid looking.

Lingo

 * Arooooo(usually said as a response)
 * Arararah!(usually said when mad and getting ready to go on a rampage)
 * Hey!(usually said when you take its food or when surprised)
 * Arrrrrrrggghhh! (exclaims this while yawning)
 * Whatcchit (A warning call)
 * ''Yourrgonnagethitt (Another warning call)
 * Yougonnaeatthat? (A warning to clear the vicinity)
 * Getoffthetablepussy!!! (An attempt to find a mate...usually backfires)
 * Breadandbutter (The Goon is aroused)

Fears

 * Birds
 * Leaves
 * Bees
 * Water
 * Females
 * Father(Alpha Goon)aka Hitler
 * Maced in the face
 * Losing in beer pong
 * Good music

Weaknesses

 * Being hit in the big toe
 * Being hit in the head with a pen
 * Food
 * Thinking
 * Being thrown in car trunks
 * Mace in the face
 * Jack Daniel's whiskey (usually ends with destruction of property)

Powers
It is also believed that the Goons have extraordinary powers. They are able to lift things ten times their own weight. For example, a baby Goon no more than 3 years of age, exhibited such strength that he was able to bench press 4 cows and a pick up truck.

Another power is the Goon burp. It is an extremely volatile and powerful seismic blast that can level city blocks in a number of seconds. It be best to clear the immediate vicinity when you see a Goon preparing a burp.

The Goon also have signature moves such as the Goon Flop, Goon Smash, and the Goon Maul. To experience one of these would be painful and probably your last few seconds alive. But the most horrible one is the Goon Kill. If you have the unfortunate chance of getting Goon Killed, you will not only feel the wrath of the Goon, but also be ripped apart by the rest of the tribe in a matters of seconds. They will rip you apart limb by limb with their bare teeth. An unpleasant death indeed.

Goon Mating Season
Be very wary of a Goon during mating season. Mating season occurs year round and is not a very pleasant time. The Goon will do almost anything for a mate, make a fool of itself, attack its brethren, and even kill. Make sure to keep your distance while near a Goon, preferably, a good 50 meters.

=List of Goon Admirers= No one.

=Things the Goons Have Killed=
 * The Dinosaurs-all their food had disappeared, but no one knows why...
 * The Dodo Bird- devoured
 * Incas- devoured by the Goons over a land dispute
 * Pompeii- destroyed by volcano because Goons needed something hot enough for a sauna, so they used the volcano and had to move the rocks, so they tossed them towards Pompeii
 * Atlantis-a Goon arrived, causing it to sink(the Goon mentioned was a fully grown adult at about 16 tons)
 * Pretty much everything else that is extinct or dead.

=Honorary Goon Mauls= (more to come!)
 * Mike Dydek- mauled for dumping TWO buckets of water on a Goon
 * John Thurman- mauled for hitting a Goon on the head with a pen
 * Steve Barone-mauled for antagonizing the Goon
 * Steve Barone-poured a bucket of water on a Goon
 * Steve Barone-mauled for giving the Goon a tipper
 * Chalie "Chuck" Romano-charged at goon with a chair, it is said the chair was ripped apart and used to spear Chuck to be roasted over a fire pit

=Myth= There is a myth that every thousand years, a gay Goon is born. It is believed that the Goon that resides in Riverside, New Jersey, is in fact the gay Goon.

=Relation to Cavemen= Distant cousins. They weren't however, contrary to popular belief, the ones who created the club. It was in fact a wondering Goon. He was hungry and found a group of cavemen. After slaughtering all but a small handful, the survivors found the club the Goon left behind. And so is the true story of how the club came to be.

=Random facts about the Goon= Full name: Goonis maximus

Goons free time: Throws cars, truck, and trains. He also eats.

Goon leader name:ΨΦΣεζΏЃØʉЃʡ

Largest Goon: 152 tons, 25'11"

Sad Story: Back in 1995 a Goon was kept in the Los Angeles zoo. The zoo keepers forgot to feed the beast that morning. Around 1:02 pacific standard time, a child of 8 years fell over the barricade into the beast's cage. By the time the zoo keepers were able to kill the Goon all that was left of the child was a mangled corpse, and some carrot sticks the poor child was holding.

=What Angers the Goon=
 * Leaving children's toy ATVs on the Goons territory
 * Annoying the Goon while he is throwing a car, truck, building ect.
 * Poking the beast
 * Dumping a bucket of water on it (a member of the Dydek clan was never seen again)
 * Taking its food
 * Outsmarting the Goon
 * Smacking it in the head
 * Giving the Goon a tipper
 * Amateur beer pong players
 * Leaving blow up dolls, with his sister's name on his vehicle
 * Making a facebook page dedicated to the goon
 * Calling the Goon a beer pong scrub



=Contact=

If you do somehow come in contact with one of these abominations unto god, just keep walking and don't make eye contact. If you by any chance have any food on you, drop it and run.If a Goon does sniff you out just hide behind something right in front of it. They are too gullible to notice where you went. But if you want to, you can just make a run because chances are, you can outrun that slow, ugly monstrosity.