User:GooseJanus/Cleisthenes/BlueCat976 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

GooseJanus


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:GooseJanus/Cleisthenes?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Cleisthenes

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Content:

I would recommend citing the sentence "Historians estimate 570 BC” in the first lead paragraph, who are the historians? Leaving this open is risking it being removed for lack of citation. Plus, you can never cite too many things, so making sure the proper things are cited or removed is important.

What are the sections? Maybe keep a contents tab in the article (I did an article that didn’t really exist yet, so I am not sure if these things usually copy. My apologies if this is self-explanatory!)

Did you completely get rid of the section Rise to Power or is this just going to stay the same?

I would recommend italicizing trittys/trittyes in all uses of it, to make it more universal

-         Also, Wikipedia likes linking all uses of a word to the page (i.e. every time you use Deme, link it to its wiki page, and other words too)

Last paragraph of the Lead section – make sure to site things (sentence “Cleisthenes….. Demokratia” and “Cleisthenes… thereafter”)

Some of my thoughts:

Overall it does not seem like the article changed much from the original, which is neither here nor there. My thoughts on this are:

-         If possible, include a section regarding the upbringing and death (i.e. Upbringing and Death section or something) of Cleisthenes, give more background information on the individual

-         If possible, break up the section titled Contribution to the Governance of Athens into smaller subsections with details regarding each of the ways he contributed. This could make it choppy, which is not good, but maybe try to split it up a little bit

-         I think your notes at the bottom of what you plan to add will be beneficial to the article, I recommend following through and doing those.

Images and Media:

I was wondering why you removed (or maybe just didn't copy over, not sure) the image that was there at the very beginning – the bust of Cleisthenes. If you just didn't copy it over then disregard this, however I think an image there would be important to keep

 Sources :

For sources 8, 13 and any others, make sure to cite the exact page that you use, or list the pages instead of the chapters. Again, changing the sources to the shortened versions will make this easier, especially if you have to split up the citations

For the references tab, I would recommend shortening the references (i.e. Smith pp105-106) and renaming that to Notes, and using the full citation in a new section titled References