User:Gpp105/Indian Health Service/Madison Luzar Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Gpp105 (Alya Wilkinson)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Gpp105/Indian_Health_Service?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Indian Health Service

Evaluate the drafted changes
[I kind of did this really late, so my tone may come across a bit blunt, but this was fun to make suggestions on, and I wish you the best of luck!]

Quote breakdown in order

 * "Under the Affordable Care Act of 2010, states could choose to expand medicaid benefits"
 * Could use citation
 * "As Native Americans have high poverty rates, many stood to benefit from this expansion"
 * Kind of a general statement, would need to cite
 * "In formation of the ACA, tribal leaders pushed for reauthorization of the IHCIA and further provisions for AI/NA recipients. This reauthorization facilitated IHS medicaid funding (Skinner, 2016)." -> "During the formation of the ACA, tribal leaders pushed for the reauthorization of the IHCIA and further provisions for AI/NA recipients, which facilitated IHS medicaid funding (Skinner, 2016)."
 * Just more concise
 * "Such initiatives support provider retention as a greater percentage of graduates from these THCs chose to work in rural and underserved settings compared to the national average. (Tobey et. al, 2019)"
 * This could probably be stated as "Tobey et al. argued that..." because it is kind of a statement backed with evidence
 * "However, expansion of Medicaid under ACA is dependent on whether or not the state authorizes it. When states don’t approve expansion, people that would have benefited from it end up going without comprehensive coverage. IHS and tribal facilities also miss out on extra sources of funding" -> "Expansion of Medicaid under the ACA is dependent on whether or not the state authorizes it. If states do not approve expansion, much fewer people are not provided with comprehensive coverage and IHS and tribal facilities do not receive the extra sources of funding."
 * Converted to more encyclopedia voice
 * "Even with these benefits and provisions, opponents of relying on Medicaid to fix health inequalities argue that this takes responsibility away from the government to provide health services. The underfunding of the IHS would still be persistent and possibly intensify under medicaid expansion as patients go to private providers (Skinner, 2016)" -> "Opponents of using Medicaid to alleviate health inequalities argue that it takes responsibility away from the government to provide health services. They argue that underfunding of the IHS would still be persistent and possibly intensify under medicaid expansion as patients go to private providers (Skinner, 2016)"
 * Converted to more encyclopedia voice, could also list who the opponents are. Also medicaid is the government right?
 * "Some tribal members assert that provisions under Medicaid aren’t what was promised to the Native American people as they are based on expanding affordability via insurance and not on providing comprehensive health services that are fully covered. By relying on services reimbursed by Medicaid, this increases participation in private health services instead of public. This shift has been generalized as dumping financial responsibility onto Native Americans instead of the government (Skinner, 2016)."
 * This quote is very loaded and should probably be cut down but maybe even removed, because it is somewhat general and very opinionated. I think you could include a quote from someone experienced and reputable here, or maybe even add a section called "opposition to the use of the ACA" or something like that if you want to keep it
 * " The enrollment and logistical processes involved in having Medicaid can also pose a barrier to Native Americans signing up. The rural nature of reservations and lack of communication about the system can disrupt members' eligibility status (Henley and Boshier, 2016)." -> "Henley and Boshier have argued that due to the rural nature of reservations and lack of communication about the system, the enrollment and logistical processes involved in having Medicaid can also pose a barrier to Native Americans signing up, and disrupt members' eligibility status (Henley and Boshier, 2016)"
 * Converted to more encyclopedia voice
 * "To avoid these disruptions, the money from federal funds that medicaid would have received for tribe members could be directed straight to the IHS budget. This would allow funding to go directly to tribes and give them say over eligibility (Onders, 2015)." -> "Some proposed that to avoid these disruptions, the federal money from medicaid directed to tribe members could be directed straight to the IHS budget, allowing funding to go directly to tribes and giving them say over eligibility (Onders, 2015).
 * Converted to more encyclopedia voice
 * "In 2011 the Center for Medicare and Medicaid services developed a mandate for tribal consultation regarding policy action that affects tribes, including state mandates. This was in effort to improve the quality of care." -> "In 2011, the Center for Medicare and Medicaid services developed a mandate for tribal consultation regarding policy action in effort to improve the quality of care for tribes."
 * Could probably cite their website for this
 * " Native communities face higher rates of chronic diseases like cancer, diabetes, and kidney disease."
 * This could probably have its own citation
 * "This is greatly due to the lifestyle conditions of such communities brought by the lack of public health infrastructure as well as the considerable distance to healthcare facilities for rural residents (Arc Health Contributors, 2020)" -> "Arc Health Contributors argues that this is greatly due to the lifestyle conditions of such communities brought by the lack of public health infrastructure as well as the considerable distance to healthcare facilities for rural residents (Arc Health Contributors, 2020)"
 * This is a statement backed by evidence so it should have a more neutral tone
 * " Tribal communities are often sequestered to unfavorable and isolated locations."
 * This point should probably be cited, and maybe connected to another point, or removed. It is a bit redundant (because of the following sentence) and also somewhat out of place as a statement.
 * " The lack of family oriented housing amenities and job opportunities that are available elsewhere in the United States decreases their competitiveness when hiring (The Department of Health and Human Services, 2016, p.12)" -> "They also found that the lack of family oriented housing amenities and job opportunities that are available elsewhere in the United States decreases their competitiveness when hiring (The Department of Health and Human Services, 2016, p.12)"
 * Just to continue that it was what they found
 * " Issues surrounding isolation, lack of shopping centers, schools, and entertainment also dissuades providers from moving to these areas. Such vacancies lead to cutting of patient services, delays in treatment, and negative effects on employee morale (Government Accountability Office, 2018)." -> "The Government Accountability Office has found that the lack of shopping centers, schools, and entertainment contributes to providers not moving into these areas, leading to cutting of patient services, delays in treatment, and negative effects on employee morale (Government Accountability Office, 2018)."
 * Concision + covering both sentences with one citation

Content

 * I think the content is useful, especially the ACA stuff which seems pretty needed and is not mentioned at all in the article currently. I think the points you bring in are very important and useful as well.

Tone and Balance

 * There is a lot of switching between past and present tense, so that could probably be made more consistent
 * In terms of biases, I think from the quotes I picked out and how I tried to do some initial tweaking, you can see that I think you have to be careful not to add things that are people's research conclusions or people's stances on topics without carefully citing it and presenting it as universal or a part of your argument.

Sources and References

 * I think for Wikipedia, every single sentence that has any kind of evidence or even remotely argues anything needs to have a citation. So even if three sentences in a row are from the same source, you would have the cite that source three separate times, at the end of each sentence.

Organization

 * The organization is good, as I wrote before you could maybe break the sections down a bit more if there is more info.
 * I also think the information you added about the medical deserts could be paired with the statement already in the article, and maybe simplified a bit.

Overall Impressions

 * Overall, I think there is some work to be done with converting this from Needs Talk voice to Wikipedia voice. And I think more sentences should be cited. But otherwise, these are really good contributions to the existing article!