User:Gpp105/Native Americans and reservation inequality/Madison Luzar Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Gpp105 (Alya Wilkinson)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Gpp105/Native_Americans_and_reservation_inequality?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Native Americans and reservation inequality

Evaluate the drafted changes
[I wrote this after the Indian Health Service review, so many of the points there would probably also apply]

Quote breakdown in order

 * "Tribal communities are often sequestered to unfavorable and isolated locations. The Department of Health and Human services interviewed administrators from hospitals operating under the IHS. According to their investigation (2016), about half of the locations identified that a large obstacle for hiring and retaining staff was the nature of their remoteness (pg. 12) . The lack of family oriented housing amenities and job opportunities that are available elsewhere in the United States decreases their competitiveness when hiring (The Department of Health and Human Services, 2016, p.12). Issues surrounding isolation, lack of shopping centers, schools, and entertainment also dissuades providers from moving to these areas. Such vacancies lead to cutting of patient services, delays in treatment, and negative effects on employee morale (Government Accountability Office, 2018)."
 * Same critique as from IHS article
 * " There is a strong prevalence of cross cultural miscommunication, mistrust, and lack of satisfaction among native American patients when it comes to healthcare (Guadagnolo, 2009)."
 * This could probably be stated as "Guadagnolo argues that..." because it is a kind of statement backed with evidence
 * "An understandable mistrust in government programs and outsider involvement can make communication and successes in improving overall public health more difficult."
 * This could probably be removed because it is somewhat unnecessary given the sentences around it, and is a statement without evidence
 * "Native Americans report facing discrimination that affect the quality of care given to them (Whitney, 2017)" -> "Native Americans have reported facing discrimination which has affected the quality of care they received (Whitney, 2017)"
 * Just more concise and clear
 * "By having members of their own community providing healthcare, doctor-patient relationships and communication can be improved. (Marcinko, 2016) " -> "Marcinko argues that doctor-patient relationships and communication can be improved if members of their tribal communities provide their healthcare instead (Marcinko 2016)"
 * Just more concise and more cited
 * "Giving more opportunities to American Indians for education in the healthcare sector can help to reduce the health inequity in their communities. To  help in remedying issues with staffing, descrimination in care, and Native American poverty rates, two Native American doctors Siobhan Wescott and Beth Mittelstet propose for greater representation in the medical field. They argue that greater funding should be directed towards educating and encouraging indigenous people to become physicians. This could help improve provider patient care as well as patient advocacy among physicians (Wescott and Mittelstet, 2020)" -> "Native American doctors Siobhan Wescott and Beth Mittelstet argue that greater funding should be directed towards educating and encouraging indigenous people to become physicians in order to help remedy issues with staffing, reduce discrimination in care, lower Native American poverty rates, and increase patient advocacy among physicians. (Wescott and Mittelstet, 2020)"
 * The first sentence is redundant and can be removed. Edited for concision and Wikipedia voice
 * "Another proposal to help remedy issues with staffing is to create new formal graduate medical education programs. These would be based in tribal communities and involve aspects of health equity. They would also focus on delivery systems, social determinants of health, and community influenced solutions. (Sunberg et. al, 2019)." -> "Sunberg et al. proposes creating new formal graduate medical education programs based in tribal communities which focus on delivery systems, social determinants of health, and community influenced solutions. (Sunberg et. al, 2019)."
 * Edited for concision and better citation
 * "The IHS already offers loan repayment programs to encourage post-graduate doctors to take fellowships on reservations."
 * Since this article is not specifically about the IHS, it is probably best to write the whole name out.
 * "Several institutions such as UCSF, The University of Washington, and Massachusetts General Hospital have fellowships dedicated to filling full-time coverage positions."
 * Good, just could use citations, maybe from their websites
 * " There are already programs in place that encourage staffing in these settings; what educational contributors emphasize is the expansion of them (Tobey et. al, 2019)."
 * This sentence is kind of confusing to me... could probably be edited for clarity

Content

 * I think the content added is useful and does contribute to the existing article. Just once again want to be careful with bias

Tone and Balance

 * [same feedback as IHS article]

Sources and References

 * It might seem redundant to have a citation and also write that "so-and-so argued...", but it is important because a lot of these sentences are statements that argue something, such as "this causes this" and "this is a possible solution". They are not well known facts, so they should be very properly cited and arguments should be attributed to who is making them.

Organization

 * good organization

Overall Impressions

 * [same feedback as IHS article]