User:Gracelyn099/Secondary (Chemistry)/Siluna Peer Review

General info

 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Gracelyn099/Secondary (Chemistry)


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Secondary (chemistry)

Evaluate the drafted changes
I like that you have a clear structure; keep those subheaders. It's great that you have a clear plan to expand such a small article, and I like that you mention some common reactions with the secondary groups. I think you can definitely keep adding more information on secondary group reactions. Can you add figures to illustrate them?

Unfortunately, I was distracted because the language used is very odd and doesn't seem fitting for a Wikipedia article. I have tried to organize my feedback into four categories so that it is easy to read.

In many cases, the language is not concise and sometimes goes off-topic. Think of the Brogan textbook :)

 * For example: " Contrary to secondary alcohols, secondary amines now contain a middle Nitrogen instead of a carbon."
 * This sentence is in a completely different section from the alcohols, so I don't recommend you talk about alcohols. The sentence could theoretically be shortened to "A secondary amine is a nitrogen bonded to two "R" groups."
 * For example: "A secondary amine consists of a nitrogen bonding with only a single hydrogen and two "R" groups."
 * "consists of" can be replaced with "is" (see Brogan textbook) and "only" can be deleted because it is redundant with "single".
 * There are many other examples of redundant or fancy words that can be cut.
 * For example: "Phosphines are used as a fumigant to combat insect infestation found in sealed containers, such as silos or barrels containing grains."
 * IDK why you are talking about this when the article is about secondary functional groups.
 * In general, you should combine sentences explaining basic chemical properties (e.g. "nitrogen has 5 valence electrons") with the main point you are arguing (e.g. "nitrogen has only three bonds") for a smoother flow (e.g. "because nitrogen has 5 valence electrons, it will be bonded to three atoms with a lone pair left over").

Strange formatting is used?

 * Splitting up the table is a strange choice because it is separates the rows from the column headers. IMO It would be better to restore the table and use new, original figures to illustrate the different functional groups within their own section.


 * Some subheaders are italicized?
 * Element names e.g. "carbon" aren't typically capitalized.

The individual sentence structures feel unintuitive. For clarity, put the subject at the beginning of the sentence.

 * For example: "If a carbon has 4 substituents and one of them is a Hydrogen, two are 'R' Groups, and one is a hydroxyl (-OH) group, it is considered a secondary alcohol."
 * This sentence would be much easier to read if you started it with "A secondary alcohol is..."
 * For example: "When a molecule undergoes a chemical process in which it loses electrons or gains an additional bond with an oxygen atom, this is considered oxidation."
 * Same idea; you can start the sentence with "Oxidation is...". The underlined parts can be deleted for conciseness.

Who is the audience? It feels inconsistent.

 * For example: "To determine if an alcohol is secondary you must identify the groups..."
 * I don't think second person (you) is standard for Wikipedia articles. Just tell me what a secondary alcohol is :), be concise.
 * For example: "The oxidation of secondary alcohols often gives rise to ketones, which is an oxygen double bonded to two 'R' groups."
 * I find it odd that you explained what a ketone is (feels slightly off-topic and too basic) when you can link the Wikipedia article instead.
 * For example: "Specifically, secondary amides participate in reactions such as tautomeric equilibria with thioamides, ortho lithiation or a simple reaction such as a deportation event using a strong base"
 * Ignoring the typo, there are some very technical terms followed by an extremely simplistic one. This also makes it feel copy-pasted???
 * For example: "Secondary is a general term that can also be applied to other molecules; the principals seen in these examples can be further applied to other functional group containing molecules. The ones shown above are common molecules seen in many organic reactions..."
 * This should be in another section near the beginning because Wikipedia articles don't have conclusions. It also feels too wordy.