User:Grahamal/Animal model of autism/Peytonmk Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Grahamal

https://dashboard.wikiedu.org/users/Grahamal


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Grahamal/Animal model of autism


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Animal model of autism

Evaluate the drafted changes
I think you have done a great job so far! The citations work and I was able to review the literature you cited. Your statements seem clear and accurate and they are both secondary literature. Everything that you have added does seem relevant to the article and is useful information. The first article you added (Silverman et al., 2022) brings in an important perspective and warning that was missing throughout the rest of the article, while maintaining a neutral tone. I noticed that the spot you plan to add it in breaks up an existing paragraph. I agree that there is more that could be added to that paragraph, and that the information you added there is important. However, I think that it may be beneficial to consider adding the information from Silverman et al. (2022) as its own paragraph. It may make more sense to expand the existing paragraph with a few updated citations explaining how animal models help to identify the the mechanism for ASD development in humans, seeing as the current citation is from a study published in 2006. The new paragraph could be placed at the end of the Rodent Model section of the article as the last paragraph of the section.

Conversely, you could keep it where it is and begin a new paragraph starting at "Other researchers have developed..." and expand on that with a few updated citations.

In the paragraph discussing the release of inflammatory cytokines, I would consider restructuring the sentence you added just a bit. I think it could be a bit stronger if you end the sentence after the word "proteins" and start a new sentence with the word "Changes". You could also consider taking out the words "becoming more" from the sentence and just write "C'hanges in the expression of cytokines during early stages of life have been'' linked to the likelihood of experiencing neurodevelopmental disorders such as autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and significant developmental delay." or "Recent studies have shown that changes in the expression of cytokines during early stages of life are linked to the likelihood of experiencing neurodevelopmental disorders such as autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and significant developmental delay."'''

I think that little tweak makes it a bit easier to follow. Overall, it seems like you have a great start! I hope this is helpful!