User:Grand Master Derren

The following is a list of things I have done.

1. I told Cain to kill his brother. 2. I freed all the Jews from Egypt with less effort than it takes to tie my boots. 3. I built the pyramids by myself. It took me a day a piece. 4. I'd have to say my finest invention was the imagination. 5. I don't like the idea of one landmass, that's why I kicked Pangea's ass and broke it up. 6. Whenever I piss on a bush it lights on fire and speaks to old people for some reason... 7. I single-handedly defeated Rome. 8. I punched a baby in the face, he spent his adult life in a bell tower as a hunchback. 9. You ever seen a unicorn? Exactly. 10. I wrote the Declaration Of Independence in five minutes and then that ginger Tom had to take it from me... 11. I created the world in 43 seconds. The first thing I did was count to fourty two. 12. I have over 200 illegitament children in Oregon alone. 13. I was bored and wanted something funny to happen, so I created religion to make people fight. 14. Some people punch the wall when angry, I make black holes. 15. I put my pants on two legs at a time. 16. There used to be two moons above the Earth, but then the tide destroyed my sand Death Star and I got my revenge. 17. An atomic bomb splits just one atom. I can split every atom in a star by spitting on it by accident. 18. I cannot die by fire or explosion. 19. When I masterbate, the air gets pregnant. 20. Everyone thinks my hair is beautiful.

More to come when I feel like it.