User:Greeenjungleee/Adele Goldstine/JESullivan99 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

user:Greeenjungleee


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Adele_Goldstine&type=revision&diff=1049989336&oldid=1046755551
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Adele Goldstine

Evaluate the drafted changes
For the line "Her father was a business man and his name was William Katz.", I recommend rewriting it as "Her father was a business man named William Katz.". That is more of a personal choice but I recommend it none the less.

For the line "Her mother said that Adele had many skills as such as a teacher, programmer, mother.", I would rewrite it as "Her mother said that Adele had many skills as such as teaching, programming, and recruiting." in order to make the sentence more clear. From looking at the article you cited for this sentence though, I do not see that Adele's mother described her as having these skills. The writer of the article is saying Adele had those skills.

For the line "After receiving her B.A, she attended the University of Michigan, where she earned a Master's in mathematics.", you could add that she got her Master's at 22 years old. That is from your source "Adele Goldstine, the Woman Who Wrote the Book".

For the line "At the University of Michigan, she met Herman Goldstine, the military liaison and administrator for the construction of the ENIAC, and they were getting married in 1941.", I recommend rewording this as "At the University of Michigan, she met Herman Goldstine who was the military liaison and administrator for the construction of the ENIAC and they got married in 1941."

I noticed you did not make a ton of changes to the article and I assume it is probably because you had a hard time finding information to add. I had the same issue on my article. If you haven't already done so, I recommend checking the other sources and information that was already on the article to look for plagiarism or close paraphrasing and rewriting those sentences if there is any. Just to add to your work that you can say you did in the reflection essay :)