User:Greg mason1909

Greg Mason 11/11/18 I've lived a complicated life from being a young boy struggling to read write and fit in amongst everyone else. I suffer with multiple learning difficulties so please excuse my grammar. When I was in nursery I was taunted by a member of staff (miss whitle) she screamed and shouted at me through out my introduction to education. My main memory of her was locking me inside the cloke room after every one else had left with their parents and told me with a mean and spiteful tone in her voice " you can't have your mummy" as a toddler at the time it was horrifying and scared me for life. As I moved up to infants learning maths English and other subjects I couldn't keep up in class with everyone else and was told off regular for being lazy unbeknown to everyone the learning disabilities I had. I tried my hardest to keep up writing in our books but it made me feel sick all the words on the board moulding into one another. Copying what the teacher had written on the white board into my book but the words I wrote where back to front or missing letters. I felt anxious and upset to the point I would break down in tears if I had to read or write. Eventually I was diagnosed with dyslexia dyspraxia and Irlen syndrome and was sent to a special school for my difficulties to learn how to coop and over come them.

Home life is hard to explain I had a loving family three amazing friends who I played with everyday after school. But there was darkness there two at 8 years old I was a victim of sexual assault for 2 years by a older boy who lived on same street as me. I wanted to cry for help but I felt trapped confused about what was right and wrong and of my sexuality. I was forced on a daily basis to perform sexual activities if I didn't he said he would beat me up and brake my arms.i felt alone and scared for 2 years until he moved house to a different village. But it caused severe sexuality issues not knowing if I was gay bisexual or straight I cried myslf to sleep most nights not knowing who I was. In high school I struggled academically but discovered music and I never felt more free and and at peace with myself than when I was playing drums or guitar but this also caused a problem it wasn't cool to play a instrument so I was billed picked on classed as a freak and shunned by students I was friends with in primary school but I made new friends who had the same learning disabilities as me I was no longer alone we had our own special class called Z band where we all got the help and support in lessons we vitality needed.

I had various straight relationships throughout high school but I think I was to mask what happened to me when I was 8 years old so know one would find out out. But I was still so confused on what my sexuality was it was still a heavy weight on my shoulders. After leaving and starting college I realised through a close friend I was bisexual and felt happy that I'd found my self. My parents always told me no matter what I choose in life if I like boys or girls they would always love me no matter what. When I broke the news to them it wasn't the case it was disappointment out rage it was as if I'd comited a crime. My mother questioned me asking if I realised how this looks on th family an how it reflects on her. My father staid quite for a week and finally spoke to me one to one. All he said is it's not what he wanted for me but he will always love me and I'll always be his son. This gave me comfort. Because of the upset I started dating girl after girl after girl just to make my parents think I was straight. But having to have my homosexual relationship a secret so I wouldn't be judged. I eventually turned to drugs as an escape from reality of what my big lie I called my life. I started on class C drugs then shortly started talking class A's on a regular basis until I met the love of my life. I turned my life around for the better finally. I felt loved needed like I was worth something she changed my life. But few years down the line I was diagnosed with depression I didn't know who I was again. I made attempts to take my own life drinking my self to the point I didn't care about my life all I know is she would be better with out me dragging her down. I love her so much but I don't deserve her. This is my life so far let's hope it gets better.

Greg Mason 26/07/19

After my last post i wrote lets hope it gets better. Well it didn't on February 22nd i discovered my wife was leaving me and was not going to tell me until she had found a house to rent and leave while i was at work. I wasnt ment to find out but when i did she told me is there any suprize Greg. She dosnt feel anthing for me anymore i dont do anything for her anymore and she wasnt in love with me any more and hasnt been for months. she said its normal people just get divorced and move on but i wasnt ready. i lived in the garage for 3 days drinking vodka straight out of bottle on after other and take class A's to take the pain away and make me feel numb. i eventualy kicked her out and moved all of her belongings for her to her mother and stepfathers house on my own with no help for over 7 days still drinking constantly i gave her everything she asked for out of house until i was left with one wardrobe old tv and two sofas i was given by a friend i had nothing and made various attemps to comit suicide and wrote letters to family friends saying sorry and how much i love them but i couldnt go on like this. what i was to discover a week later was the worst feeling i have felt.

Greg Mason 12/08/19

I was driving home from the music studio and i pass my best friends house on the route to find my ex wife and my oldest and closest friend sat in her car out side his after midnight. I didnt stop driving if i had i would have done something i would later regret. I had grown up with my friend from the age of 5 and we did everything together and pulled each other though hard times and treated each other like family we were like brothers and i loved him like a brother. I was crushed and in so much pain that i couldnt go to work or see my family i just locked myself away again drinking myself to oblivion. I had never felt so betrayed and unloved ever. They both saw me and made i contact as i burst into tears driving past them. Even both of them knowing how mentally unstable i am and witnessed 2 of my suicide attemps not one of them phoned or called at my house to see if i was okay or check on me this proved i ment nothing to her and my friendship of 21 years was a lie and worth nothing.