User:GreysonZed/Desolation Sound Marine Provincial Park/The Chris Happy Peer Review

General info
Dgeiss, GreysonZed, KarateCats, Moose43
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:GreysonZed/Desolation Sound Marine Provincial Park
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Desolation Sound Marine Provincial Park

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hi all, excited to provide some suggestions and feedback on your article. Overall, I was amazed by the sheer word count - it seems like you all have put much thought into it. Great job!

Lead
Guiding questions:


 * Has the Lead been updated to reflect the new content added by your peer? - I can't tell much difference between the original and current lead, apart from the appended text regarding the First Nations. Have you all considered mentioning the significance of the park to an average reader? As well, summarizing the ecology and management sections? Also, I would suggest revising the lead to make it more concise and focused.
 * Does the Lead include an introductory sentence that concisely and clearly describes the article's topic? - The existing introductory sentence is good. I would suggest including (as perhaps the second sentence) a note on the significance of this park (as compared to all other parks or things in the world)
 * Does the Lead include a brief description of the article's major sections? - No, the lead does not mention the ecology and management sections.
 * Does the Lead include information that is not present in the article? - No, the lead is good at only including information present in the article.
 * Is the Lead concise or is it overly detailed? - the lead contains a lot of details that could be moved into the content.

Content
Guiding questions:


 * Is the content added relevant to the topic? - While most of the content added is relevant, I think the "Policy and management" section is unnecessary.
 * Currently, the section currently has 6 subsections and 28 sentences, many of which related to topics unrelated to Desolation Sound Marine Provincial Park; for example, BC Government (e.g. "The BC government believes it's important to keep...", "The BC governemtn believes it’s crucial to respect...") and climate change (e.g. "Climate change is a huge impact on the ocean ecosystem.")
 * Other opinion based statements in this section are also unnecessary. For example, the statement, "The first nations hold a lot of precious knowledge and they have an unpredcted value in understanding and managing the costal areas," should be either moved to First Nations in British Columbia (and supported by sources) or reworded to talk about how First Nation's knowledge has benefited the management of Desolation Sound.
 * I would suggest summarizing this entire section into 4-6 sentences, similar to "Controversies".
 * Is the content added up-to-date? - Yes, the content is up to date, using sources from 2023 and 2022, as well as older sources (e.g. 2008, 2012) that are still within a reasonable time period.
 * Is there content that is missing or content that does not belong? - As mentioned above, the "Policy and management" contains a lot of content that does n/ot belong. Other statements are not backed by facts, e.g.
 * "As First Nations were evicted from their land, ..." - Evicted is defined as "expel (someone) from a property, especially with the support of the law." (Oxford Languages Dictionary). Rather than use the word "evicted", it would be more neutral to talk about
 * specific government policies (e.g. the names of the policies in 1920 that reduced, from the First Nation's perspective, the reserve land)
 * documented actions by government officials (e.g. police) that pressured the First Nations off the land
 * documented actions by community members (e.g. tourists) that pressured the First Nations off the land
 * "including graves, were robbed for souvenirs" - when and where?
 * Does the article deal with one of Wikipedia's equity gaps? Does it address topics related to historically underrepresented populations or topics? - Yes, the article does address some of the challenges related to the First Nations.

Tone and Balance
Guiding questions:


 * Is the content added neutral? - While the content does strive to be neutral, some statements talk about the adversity the Sliammon First Nations faced through overarching claims rather than specific events. For example:
 * "Many also see Indigenous People's presence as ruining nature's pristine emptiness." -> what is one documented example?
 * "...became a wild and uninhabited paradise in the eyes of yachters and other people looking for a retreat from industrial modernity" -> who said this?
 * Are there any claims that appear heavily biased toward a particular position? - the claims appear heavily biased
 * Are there viewpoints that are overrepresented, or underrepresented? - the article makes many references to Clapperton (2012), which talks about the struggles from the First Nation's perspective. They don't include any sources on how the government viewed the conflict (only current government management policies) or how environmental groups viewed the conflict.
 * Does the content added attempt to persuade the reader in favor of one position or away from another? - The article seems to contain a view biased towards the adversity the Sliammon First Nations faced. While the content may be accurate, not all claims are rigorously backed up with many sources; thus, the article should focus more on specific, factual events than overarching claims. For example:
 * "Overall, the Sliammon First Nations, like many others, have been harmed by the seemingly benevolent creation of parks..."
 * I suggest focusing on one park (Desolation) and one nation (Sliammon) as the source only appears to address these parks
 * I suggest clarifying whether the creation of the park directly harmed the First Nation, or whether it indirectly harmed them through the leaked oil from the oyster farmer's boats and other causes.
 * I would also suggest clarifying whether "harm" mean physical harm (like poison) or cultural harm (like disrupting the nation). If both, making both harms explicit.

Sources and References
Guiding questions:


 * Is all new content backed up by a reliable secondary source of information? - not always
 * "the Sliammon are afraid to eat the little traditional food" - is this by a third party? or by a second party?
 * Does the content accurately reflect what the cited sources say? (You'll need to refer to the sources to check this.)
 * One concern is that the article includes many references to Clapperton (2012), but they don't talk about which page (or pages) that they reference. Thus, it would be very tedious to check what exactly they are referencing.
 * Another concern is the statement, "For ten millennia, the region served as a major source of food for Indigenous people due to the abundance of mussels, mollusks, and oysters that flourish in the warmest waters found in the north of Baja." The authors of the Wikipedia article are combining:
 * A quote by Captain Colin Griffinson, “Because of the temperature of the water, mussels, mollusks, and oysters thrive. This place was a huge food source for Indigenous people for 10 thousand years. The bears know all about it, too.”
 * And a statement by Duy Le (the National Geographic article's author), "B.C.’s largest marine park might have the warmest water north of Baja"
 * Are the sources thorough - i.e. Do they reflect the available literature on the topic? - with my limited knowledge, they appear so: both blogs from well known magazines (e.g. National Geographic) and academic articles
 * Are the sources current? - Yes, most sources are written within the last decade
 * Are the sources written by a diverse spectrum of authors? Do they include historically marginalized individuals where possible? - Yes, there are diverse authors, from academic writers (Clapperton, Jonathan) to travel writers (Duy Le)
 * Note: the author is missing for (11) "Forget the name. Desolation Sound is Canada's best-kept secret". Travel. 2023-09-22. Retrieved 2023-10-12.
 * Are there better sources available, such as peer-reviewed articles in place of news coverage or random websites? (You may need to do some digging to answer this.)
 * I don't know, but the claim, "the warmest waters found in the north of Baja" seems to be more of a saying than a scientific fact. It's also present in Quora (https://qr.ae/pKhoHF)
 * Check a few links. Do they work? - Every link worked except the ISBN numbers. One oddity was the same source be cited in two different ways, for example:
 * Management Plan
 * 4) "Management Plan for Desolation Sound and Copeland Islands Marine Parks and Tux'wnech Okeover Arm Provincial Park (February 2008)" (PDF).
 * 6) Lower Mainland Region Environmental Stewardship Division (2008). Desolation Sound and Copeland Islands Marine Parks and Tux'wnech Okeover Arm Provincial Park management plan. Victoria: BC Parks. ISBN 978-0-7726-6047-3.
 * Clapperton, Jonathan (2012)
 * Clapperton, Jonathan (2012). "Desolate Viewscapes: Sliammon First Nation, Desolation Sound Marine Park and Environmental Narratives". Environment and History. 18 (4): 529–559. ISSN 0967-3407
 * Clapperton, Jonathan (2012-11-01). "Desolate Viewscapes: Sliammon First Nation, Desolation Sound Marine Park and Environmental Narratives". Environment and History. 18 (4): 529–559.

Organization
Guiding questions:


 * Is the content added well-written - i.e. Is it concise, clear, and easy to read? - There are multiple grammar mistakes and typos, including:
 * First Nations
 * Beginning a sentence with "And" - "And while the Sliammon tried to continue hunting..."
 * Hard to read, "Summer homes were built in prime gathering and hunting locations, archeological sites, including graves, were robbed for souvenirs and environmental protection infringed on their ability to use what was left of the unoccupied land."
 * Policy and management - all typos
 * "A healthy local excosytem is..."
 * "...managing the costal areas. ... The BC governemtn believes..."
 * "...have an unpredcted value in understanding and managing the costal areas"
 * Does the content added have any grammatical or spelling errors? - Yes, see above
 * Is the content added well-organized - i.e. broken down into sections that reflect the major points of the topic? - Yes, the article is well organized.

Images and Media
I would recommend adding photos of the park, especially since the article mentions, "[Desolation Bay] is distinguished by its many picturesque sheltered coves and anchorages".