User:Groggler/Flux method/Etholn Peer Review

General info
Groggler
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Groggler/sandbox
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Flux method:

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Content
Guiding questions:

When editing the content be careful of voice. "Production of metallic crystals generally uses crucibles made from ceramics such as alumina, zirconia, and boron nitride." was changed to "Ceramic crucibles such as alumina, zirconia, and boron nitride are used for the growth of metallic crystals". This changed the sentence to passive voice and does not provide additional information.

It feels as if some information is removed when it is important, such as the usage of a seed for crystallization.

In this paragraph

"The starting materials, flux and crucible are heated to form a complete solution, then cooled to a temperature where the solution is fully saturated. Cooling the solution further causes crystals to precipitate, and decreases the concentration of starting materials in solution. Removal of solvent is another method of achieving supersaturation. This process is repeated, precipitating more crystal out, and making the solution more rich in flux. The process is stopped by removing the growth from the furnace, or by allowing the furnace to reach room temperature."

The tense is changed from past tense to present from the first sentence to the second.

The edits make the article easier to read and more concise. However, be careful of cutting out important information along with rewording.The added self-flux section would be a good addition when it is completed.

Tone and Balance
The tone is neutral and there is no bias.

Sources and References
The source is reliable as it is a journal. The source is more recent compared to the sources of the original page. If possible maybe add a few more citations as the original page asked for additional citations.

Organization
The added content is concise and makes the article easier to read. The edits make the article easy for general audiences tor read. Be careful about tense and active/passive voice for the edits.

Overall impressions
Overall, the edits make the article more concise, but does not have a big impact on the article. Some of the edits cut out imortant information and need to be corrected gramatically. With recent developements it may be helpful to add some images and find any applications of self-flux.