User:Gsd7/Cap Tourmente National Wildlife Area/Hdebus Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?
 * https://dashboard.wikiedu.org/users/Gsd7
 * https://dashboard.wikiedu.org/users/Cylee07
 * https://dashboard.wikiedu.org/users/M01090
 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Gsd7/Cap Tourmente National Wildlife Area
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Cap Tourmente National Wildlife Area
 * Cap Tourmente National Wildlife Area

Peer Review by hdebus
Dear Cap Tournamente NWA group,

Although your article still needs to be completed, the sections you added show the potential to improve the existing version with lots of new information. I decided to peer review section-by-section, including the original article's current lead and history paragraph. Below, you will find a broad overview of my impression of each section, suggested revisions, and justifications or additional thoughts in brackets.

Lead
Your draft has a lead section that you incorporated from the current version of the article. You could improve that section to be more concise and give an overview of the topics you address in your draft. For instance, are you introducing endangered species, the habitat, or the national wildlife area's history? Here are the revisions I would make:

Example: The NWA was established on 28 April 1978, in order to protect the bulrush marsh. Consider rewriting this sentence: The NWA was established on 28 April 1978 to preserve the bulrush marsh. [The comma and the following "in order to" made the sentence unnecessarily wordy, and "preserve" fits the context better than "protect."]

Example: Flocks of tens of thousands of these birds stop over to feed on the bullrushes in the spring and fall. Consider rewriting this sentence: In the spring and fall, tens of thousands of geese stop to feed on the bullrushes. [The original sentence used a colloquial tone.]

Example: The tidal marsh was recognised as a wetland of international significance per the Ramsar Convention in 1981, the first North American site to receive that distinction[1][2]. Consider rewriting the sentence: The Ramsar Convention recognized the tidal marsh as a wetland of international significance in 1981 as the first North American site to receive this distinction. [An active tone will engage your reader. Elaborate on "this distinction" - it is unclear what it means and what it is.]

Location
I like that you incorporated the location of the national wildlife area! However, its arrangement reads like an incomplete sentence, and I rewrote it with different formatting.

Location of the protected Area: 47°03.860' N 70°47.774' W, Providence of Quebec, along St Lawrence River Southeast Quebec.

History
You have incorporated the history section from the original article. Consider cleaning it up, similarly to the lead section. Some sentences use the passive voice, making them wordy and hard to follow. I also recommend rewriting the last sentence as it restates the information from the lead section almost word by word. Could you elaborate on it from a different angle? Also, ask yourself: Where does the information on the protected area belong? You might only need to keep it in one of the two sections. Here is my revised version:

Within the wildlife refuge stands a historic farm site called "La Petite-Ferme du cap Tourmente." Samuel de Champlain [eloborate who are what this is] began in 1626 as a food source for the fledgling habitation at Quebec City. Later, the Seminary of Quebec purchased the farm, remaining in use for nearly 300. A farmhouse built around 1667 still stands and is at the core of La Petite-Ferme du cap Tourmente National Historic Site, designated in 2018[3]. The Canadian government acquired the area in 1969 and recognized it as a National Wildlife Area in 1978.

Wildlife
The Wildlife section provides a decent overview of species in the area. However, citations are missing in this part because they only appear in the last sentence. I copyedited the section for readability but left it to you to add sources for every sentence. Also, try adding wikilinks to the keystone species and keep expanding this section with more information! Here are my revisions:

The Cap Tourmente National Wildlife Area is home to a wide range of animal and plant species, including more than 200 animal species and 700 plant species. The intertidal bulrush, coastal plains, and mixed-forest plateau provide crucial habitats for the breeding ground staging of migratory birds. The keystone species of the NWA include greater snow goose, peregrine falconry-throated hummingbirds, and warblers in the spring[4].

Plants
The "plants" section currently only has three listed species. Consider adding a lead sentence for the paragraph and bullet points if you want to keep the listing. Adding wikilinks to the different species can also enhance this section. You could write something like "Plant species in the protected area are:


 * American bulrush
 * Broad-leafed arrowhead
 * Sessilefruit arrowhead

Animals
The animal section needs completion and formatting. For listings, it is generally recommendable to introduce the category with a sentence that gives the reader overview of the listing. The "birds" subsection does that but has "Great white goose" listed below without further information. If you wish to keep the listing, consider adding a short sentence to introduce it and make it visible through bullet points. The "fish" subsection is currently a listing but in a sentence style. It is recommendable for your article to be consistent. If you go for bullet points and wikilinks, do it! If not, incorporate the different species in the text in complete sentences. The animal topic also needs citations. I copyedited the section to give you an idea of what I mean.

Birds
The Cap Tourmente National Wildlife Area is one of Canada's 325 Important Birds Areas (IBA), categorized under the A4 criteria. Birds in the area include:


 * Great white goose

[use listings only if you list at least three categories]

Fish
Fish species in the Cap Tourmente National Wildlife Area are:


 * American eel
 * American shad
 * Atlantic sturgeon
 * Atlantic tomcod
 * Lake sturgeon
 * Northern pike
 * Sauger, Walleye
 * White sucker
 * Yellow perch

[consider adding wikilinks and also introduce the fish habitat]

Challenges
The challenges section similarly requires editing. In the context of challenges in the national wildlife area, complete sentences are preferable. You could elaborate on the impacts of the challenges in conserving the national wildlife area to transform the section into a proper text. For example: What is the effect of neighbouring land development? Which invasive species pose a threat to other species? Again, please also remember to add citations for all the information you use!

Controlled Goose Hunt
The "Controlled goose hunt" subtopic is incomplete, similar to the previous two sections. Consider whose narrative you are telling and who your audience is. A reader will be much more engaged when you write in a narrative style to inform them about goose hunting. For example:

The national wildlife area allows the hunting of greater snow geese after obtaining a permit [where?]. A draw is used to determine the selection of applicants from February to April. [Is there a limitation, or why is a draw used?]