User:Gsd7/Cap Tourmente National Wildlife Area/Solaristics Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Cap Tourmente National Wildlife Area Group.


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Gsd7/Cap_Tourmente_National_Wildlife_Area?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Cap Tourmente National Wildlife Area
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Cap Tourmente National Wildlife Area

Overall comment on the article.
Overall, the draft has some key information here, but there is a lot of stuff missing to make it whole. Threats, pinpointing keystone species and their role within the area, expanding more on the challenges being faced. I am not sure if you guys are editing as a whole group, but my suggestion is to have one person edit everything to get the same flow in the sentences. I would also use the "wiki link" tab more to link first time species, important names, etc. You did use this for some of your article, which was good! Example: Keystone species

The article also has a neutral tone as per the guidelines. And I learned more what keystone species are in the area and just how many animals and plant species there are, but as I mentioned below, you should focus on a select few and give a more detailed account on them.

Article Draft (cylee07)
I like that you're wanting to change the introduction paragraph, however, the changes you're making to the original paragraph is too little. I want to say this considered plagiarism since you're hardly changing anything from the original wiki article and using it as your own but would be something to discuss with the teacher. I also noticed some grammar errors within your new paragraph, which I will point out here:


 * The NWA was established on 28 April 1978, in order to protect the bulrush marsh -> remove the comma before "in order to"
 * When using shorten abbreviations, make sure to have a space after the full name: National Wildlife Area (NWA), for example.

Location
This part should be removed entirely or moved to the introduction. If you do move it, make sure it is a proper sentence with not just the coordinates. This type of information is generally suited in a table to the side. Click: Sahara as an example of what I mean by a table on the far right. You can put general information such as, location, coordinates, etc. here.

History
The first sentence here needs a bit of tweaking as it is awkward when you read it.


 * I would split this into two sentences where you have Samuel de Champlain creating the farm, which is now what is known as a refuge (this part is important), and why he had created this place in your second paragraph.
 * Around 1667? Can you find a source for a more specific date. Saying "around" does not sound very convincing or reliable. "A farm house was later built in 1667 and still stands to this day" or something similar
 * "It is later recognised as a National Wildlife Area in 1978 and as a wetland of significance per the Ramsar Convention in 1981."
 * Suggestion: "It is later..." should be "It was later" as the former sentence's structure is incorrect
 * For the history part, I would like to know more about whether climate change is affecting the area and how the area has changed as a whole since being designated as a NWA.

Wildlife
The Cap Tourmente National Wildlife Area is the home to a wide range of animal and plant species, which includes more than 200 animal species and 700 plant species.


 * The second part to your sentence here comes off as a "by the way" statement. Generally speaking, you try to avoid this type of writing. The second part of this sentence would be better off as its own sentence or to improve it as a whole.
 * Suggestion: The Cap Tourmente National Wildlife Area is home to more than 200 animal species and 700 plant species.
 * The reason for this suggestion is because it gets to the point instead of having the reader read more than what is needed.
 * The intertidal bulrush, coastal bulrush and coastal plain and mixed-forest plateau provides crucial habitat for the staging of migratory birds and breeding ground.
 * Comment: Awkward sentence. Particularly with the listing of the balrushes. The article states Coastal, plains, and mountains. A mixed-forest plateau is not considered a mountain because plateau's are more flat in nature.
 * For your "Plants", "Animals", "Birds", and "Fish" section, I'm not sure what you're end goal here is, but my suggestion would not be to list all the animals and species here. Find a few that are important to the area and talk about those instead. Also, I would suggest wiki linking when mention a new species. Example: Atlantic sturgeon


 * What I would like to know more from this article:
 * Are there any species endangered, etc?
 * The importance of the keystone species in the area

Challenges
You got a list of challenges. That's good. Expand on that further when you have time.

More suggestions:


 * How climate change is affecting the area
 * Possible poaching

Park attractions
This park can be considered a nature attraction, were visitors are permitted to enter during set times with a small entry fee.


 * can be? OR is a nature attraction because... From what I saw online, it is a nature attraction: Hiking, bird watching, etc. (you also mention this later)

were visitors -> "where visitors"

40000 -> 40,000

websites -> website

With its location -> Due to the parks location...

American bulrush marshes which the geese will use for habitat -> American balrush marhses that...

Comment: Those are just some of the changes. However, the paragraph as a whole should be rewritten. There is some fluidity issues in how the sentences flow and some grammar errors that hurt the overall paragraph structure.