User:Gurekosn/Concussions in American football/Parkerorr2 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(provide username) Gurekosn


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Gurekosn/Concussions_in_American_football?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Concussions in American football

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

After viewing the plan of updates to the Concussion in American Footballs page. I agree with majority of the users changes to the article. The lead sentence is too long and contains too much information. However I disagree on the mice and research section of the article. This gives proper context to further developed concussions in the future of CTE and the research on mice can help detail more into CTE which is mentioned multiple times throughout the article. Also, it is important to not only identify the problems that need fixed, but to also provide a plan to fix the actual problems. After reading what you plan to fix I agree with everything except the mice portion. However, I would also like to hear how you plan to fix these sections and what you plan to add to them. This will give me a better understanding of how you plan to make the article better. What pictures are your planning to add and what main thoughts will you add to the body paragraphs?