User:HK khawaja/Achievement gaps in the United States/AbiL7 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

HK khawaja


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:HK%20khawaja/Achievement_gaps_in_the_United_States?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Achievement gaps in the United States

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hi HK khawaja,

Overall, great start on the draft! The detailed dates and histories of government intervention is a good addition to the article, which is largely focused on statistics behind the achievement gap. It would be interesting to include a discussion of how there are alternative frameworks to addressing the achievement gap, namely through the non-profit sector in your case. I think describing ESEA was a good jumping off point for this and maybe add a bit more to the history for the need for this federal policy, as the original article does not address the history behind these inequities enough. You can link this to the other article you're writing regarding Educational Equity as well.

- Some suggestions -

Some grammar stuff:

In Attempts to reduce literary achievement gap:

"since the usage of material and mode of instruction does help mold the way a student views the world ."

"Also, since the 1990s, and up until the early 21st century, there was a more significant concern regarding "the need for better articulation and specification of concepts," which were challenges that Nonprofit organizations, such as Reading Partners, had to address ."

^ This is a great addition to the article in terms of introducing the role that NGO's have played in shaping the achievement gap. I only suggest that there be a transition to introducing Reading Partners, since the org is largely localized here in the Bay Area. A suggestion would be something like this: "Also, since the 1990s, and up until the early 21st century, there was a more significant concern regarding "the need for better articulation and specification of concepts," which were challenges that Nonprofit organizations had to address . One such nonprofit organization is Reading Partners which is ... (add a citation for their website and other possible references to the org)".

"How things would pan out, in reality, was also dependent on how the government would act and what provisions would be made to allow services to better students."

^ This sounds essay-like; I would suggest something like: "The work of NGOs in education is also interdependent with that of government provisions in public education...(cite some sources to build on this statement of the importance of systematic factors in political economy impacting that of the public education sector)" This can then act as a great transition sentence for your next description of the ESEA being one such government policy/ action in the public education sector addressing accessibility.

The paragraph on the ESEA can benefit from indicating a clearer timeline. For example is January 16 of what year and how is this bill faring today? The ending of the paragraph can then transition to financial provisions that the government provides for certain low-income schools serving certain communities.

"These Title I schools can contract private Nonprofit tutoring programs, such as Reading Partners, to work with their students in enhancing skills such as reading comprehension, analytical skills, and word recognition. "

^ Include a citation for Reading Partners, and transition from this sentence into the section detailing Non-Profit Tutoring Programs. Perhaps have a general definition of what non-profit tutoring programs are and perhaps cite some case studies of such programs.

In the Reading Partners section:

Perhaps it would be useful to include details on what "non-instructional services" are offered by Reading Partners and what gaps these target in trying to fill in for what the government has not provided in public education.