User:HK khawaja/Educational equity/Mgmari19 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

khawaja


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:HK%20khawaja/Educational_equity?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Educational equity

Evaluate the drafted changes
"Extraordinarily" is a biased adjective that isn't needed in the first sentence. The sentence, "Because of this, low-income students do not even attempt to apply to the top-tier schools for which they are more than qualified," is generalizing the issue and doesn't apply to all students in this situation. You can instead change this to something like, "Many low-income students tend to avoid applying for these specific schools because of high-costs." The sentence "For higher quality schooling, students in low income areas have to take public transit which is a burden to pay for," is leading and generalizing. This isn't the case for all low income students, and the burden part is probably not necessary to the main idea. The final point you make is great and factual.

Section for "Tutoring programs role in educational equity":

Check the first sentence! Education is said 3 times. The flow of the rest of the paragraph is lacking, its very argumentative and the Eyben insert doesn't serve the article as much as it could.

Reading Partners impact on educational equity section:

This section is great! It is loaded with information that directly addresses the article's main idea. Its ideas flow nicely and are not argumentative.