User:HL02378/Tributyltin/AF1798 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

HL02378


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:HL02378/Tributyltin?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Tributyltin

Evaluate the drafted changes
This is quality work. When I look at the original article and then look at what was added I am impressed because you were able to expand on almost every point that was made. The lead is strong and the inclusion of words like biomagnification and bioaccumulation expand on the overall idea of the article. They also link well with the regulation section because they give a reason for why we should care that this is being regulated. I do think that the invertebrates section was a bit overly detailed and could be cleaned up with the removal of some information because it makes the article feel like a scientific paper. The inclusion of the results is what needs to be removed because we are only here to tell a detailed story of what this toxin is and not how it has worked in the lab or what experiments have been done on it. The mammals section needs some work done to it because it is way too small. This is the most compelling section for casual readers and it needs to be expanded on, for it is the smallest section out of all of them. I would also like some more information on regulation because many people searching this article could be looking for incidents where this toxin was released and caused problems.