User:Hallegill/Indigenous People section of the Social impacts of COVID-19 in the U.S./SeltzerWater99 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Hallegill


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Hallegill/Indigenous_People_section_of_the_Social_impacts_of_COVID-19_in_the_U.S./SeltzerWater99_Peer_Review?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_peer_review


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Indigenous_People_section_of_the_Social_impacts_of_COVID-19_in_the_U.S.&action=edit

Evaluate the drafted changes
Your additions seem great! The last sentence seems like it would need a source; otherwise it would be too biased of an opinion for Wikipedia's guidelines. Overall, it is clear that this is a topic that you care about deeply, but it is important to not let that take over the tone of your writing. Especially towards the end, it seems like the information (as it stands without a source) could be interpreted as being biased. I would recommend adding a few sources and/or cutting out that takeaway segment if it is just your proposed solution.