User:Handrew2depaul/Chinese Tea Culture/Enitalic Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Handrew2depaul


 * Link to draft you're reviewing

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Handrew2depaul/Chinese_Tea_Culture?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Chinese Tea Culture

Evaluate the drafted changes
This is a great article. I looked over the original page and was impressed by how much your draft would enhance the page by detail and overview. It is extremely well organized and the sections are divided well. I particularly like the History of tea section and how you go into the way it has culturally evolved across dynasties. I think that your draft is very good, therefore all of the changes I would recommend are primarily mechanical. If there was one place to make changes, I would focus on the section on The Classic of Tea.


 * 1) For the first sentence: "The Classic of Tea  (780) A significant contribution to the evolution of tea culture during the Tang, was the important work of literature by tea connoisseur Lu Yu, in which he analyzed every aspect of tea. This was the first monograph regarding the study of tea which consisted of ten chapters".  I would add the word "dynasty" after Tang. I would then remove "the" and replace it with "an". I would also link the word monograph to it's wiki page. *I bolded the areas I am referencing.
 * 2) In my opinion this should be reformatted: "which consisted of ten chapters: Chapter 1 on the origins of tea, chapter 2 on the tools for harvesting and preparing tea, chapter 3 on the making of tea, chapter 4 on the significance of its tools, chapter 5 on the methods of tea, chapter 6 on the behaviors of drinking, chapter 7 on the history, chapter 8 on the areas of China where it was popular, chapter 9 on the additional procedures that came along with tea culture, and chapter 10 on an overview of what all is China’s tea culture. Chapter 9 of the book also encouraged commoners to drink tea, by including a section on what tea utensils could be omitted if one could not afford them". For example you can do a numbered list, for example:


 * 1) The Origins of Tea
 * 2) Tools for Harvesting and Preparing Tea
 * 3) Making of Tea
 * 4) etc...

or list it more organically, like... "which consisted on ten chapters ranging from the origins of tea, tools for harvesting and their significance, preparing and making tea, its history, and more".

You do not have to do either of theses options, but I recommend at least some change to the current format.

3. You go back and go into further detail on chapter 9, "Chapter 9 of the book also encouraged commoners to drink tea, by including a section on what tea utensils could be omitted if one could not afford them". I would reccomend being more vague in the previous sentence and then going into depth on areas that matter to you like chapter 9.

4. For the last part of this paragraph, "His classic book tied drinking tea to spiritual matters, the arts, the Chinese way of life, morals, along with philosophy. The majority of the common Chinese people did not read it, but the intellectuals, nobility, and spiritual leaders embraced it. Confucian teachings indicated that the world should be managed, improved, and taught morals through classical learning. According to Liu, “Chinese intelligentsia regarded culture, or all literature and knowledge, as the carrier or instrument of human morality serving to carry out the civilizing function of the Tao (the way that the universe functions).” Lu Yu’s classic writing helped to transform an enjoyable beverage to an art woven into Chinese culture".

I would change "along" to "and". I would also change "the majority of the common Chinese people" to "most of the general Chinese population". I would remove "the". I think that "Confucian teachings" should be linked to a wiki page. I do no know who "Liu" is and they should be referenced, unless it is a typo and you meant "Lu". Last, "Tao" should be linked to a wiki page.

5. This is very small, but I would remove the extra space between Tea Arts and Tea Nationalism.

Overall, I really enjoyed your draft. It was extremely informative and well organized. Your sources and citations look great and I can tell that you have a good grasp on them. It makes me want to look at my sources closer to see if I can put in anything else. The only issues I would recommend are some mechanical changes, like in the Classic of Tea section, however, it is ultimately up to you.